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Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centres. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centres. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
Many people believe that oversized corporations are better to be moved in regional areas rather than inside big city centres. In my opinion, I think that relocation of these companies will bring more problems to the society than any of the advantages it might give. Admittedly, there are some simple benefits of moving these massive businesses. Firstly, the city residents will be able to live in an environment with lesser pollution. Some big oil companies in the past have been reported to have oil spillage, contaminating the source of drinking water and causing sickness to the population. Transferring big firms like this could help avoid nature contamination and decrease the disease rate for the people. Secondly, there would be wider space for the individuals. As large companies take up more room in the city, there is also lesser space given to important government sectors such as schools or residential housing. Relocating, therefore, can help a city distribute land for the public’s interest. Nevertheless, despite the advantages above, I believe that the society could face serious drawbacks from the relocation of huge corporations. One awful disadvantage would be the long waiting time for vital supplies. Many of these businesses supply the city for specific needs, such as medicines or food. Moving them farther could cause scarcity of such goods as the travel time will be longer. Another detrimental issue would be the increase number of jobless individuals. The relocating company would need to hire people from the new area, leaving the city people unemployed. This would lead to decrease the city’s productivity level that may later on become a great economical problem. In conclusion, delayed supplies and an increase in unemployment rate far outweighs the basic benefits of transferring huge industrial companies from the city centre to a provincial land.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that oversized corporations are better to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
in regional areas
rather
than inside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that relocation of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will bring more problems to the society than any of the advantages it might give.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple benefits of moving these massive businesses.
Firstly
, the city residents will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an environment with lesser pollution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the past have
been reported
to have oil spillage, contaminating the source of drinking water and causing sickness to the population. Transferring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
firms like this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
avoid nature contamination and decrease the disease rate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, there would be wider space for the individuals. As large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
take up more room in the city, there is
also
lesser space
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sectors such as schools or residential housing. Relocating,
therefore
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a city distribute land for the public’s interest.

Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above, I believe that the society could face serious drawbacks from the relocation of huge corporations. One awful disadvantage would be the long waiting time for vital supplies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these businesses supply the city for specific needs, such as medicines or food. Moving them farther could cause scarcity of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as the travel time will be longer. Another detrimental issue would be the increase number of jobless individuals. The relocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would need to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the new area, leaving the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unemployed. This would lead to decrease the city’s productivity level that may later on become a great economical problem.

In conclusion
, delayed supplies and an increase in unemployment rate far outweighs the basic benefits of transferring huge industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
from the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to a provincial land.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centres. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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