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Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activity that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activity that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 2
Travelling has become much popular in recent times. Earlier major agenda for travelling was relaxation and peace of mind, whereas it has completely changed over time. Adventure, acquire knowledge and witness the beauty of an essential place are the main reasons of travelling at present. Knowledge plays a crucial role in selecting locations. Some travel to certain places, since, they have information about the location and some, who wants to gain more information about any particular place. For example, A family holiday trip would generally be in such a place where the planner knows what to do, where to go and make plans accordingly. However, a school educational tour would majorly be concerned about obtaining great understanding. Gaining knowledge is an essential part of planning a guided tour. Adventures are another aspect that people take into consideration. They might arrange a road plan or have a list of activities they want to adventure, such as, bungee jumping, sky diving, river rafting and sea diving. For example, I have had an interesting experience in Goa, which was a spontaneous plan, it was a road trip with a few of my friends. Plenty of activities we had planned as the main concern of our trip was to get away from the a fear that we had, although we were scared, but ultimately we had enjoyed ourselves. Since, adventure can overcome fear, this could be a major reason for people who travel. In conclusion, travelling changes people completely. New learnings, different experiences and spontaneous activities can change a person from within. I think knowledge and adventure could be two main reasons for people to travel these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
has become much popular in recent times. Earlier major agenda for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
was relaxation and peace of mind, whereas it has completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adventure
, acquire knowledge and witness the beauty of an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
are the main reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
at present.

Knowledge plays a crucial role in selecting locations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
travel to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, since, they have information about the location and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, who wants to gain more information about any particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
For example
, A family holiday trip would
generally
be in such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where the planner knows what to do, where to go and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans
accordingly
.
However
, a school educational tour would
majorly
be concerned
about obtaining great understanding. Gaining knowledge is an essential part of planning a guided tour.

Adventures are another aspect that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take into consideration. They might arrange a road plan or have a list of activities they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adventure
, such as, bungee jumping,
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
, river rafting and sea diving.
For example
, I have had an interesting experience in Goa, which was a spontaneous plan, it was a road trip with a few of my friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of activities we had planned as the main concern of our trip was to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
fear that we had, although we
were scared
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ultimately
we had enjoyed ourselves. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adventure
can overcome fear, this could be a major reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who travel.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
completely. New learnings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experiences and spontaneous activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a person from within. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adventure
could be two main reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel these days.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activity that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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