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Some people think that it is better to include more public parks and sports facilities in new towns rather than shopping malls.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is better to include more public parks and sports facilities in new towns rather than shopping malls. BMd99
In the modern era, people need some time where they can spend and do their favourite activities to make their mind and body relax. A group of individuals feel that it is more beneficial to include more recreational centres in new cities better than shopping centres. I partially agree with this opinion because I believe that a town must need both entertainment facilities and shopping malls. To begin with, building public parks and sports centres is the necessity and that will provide people to do exercise or outdoor activities such as Jogging and running. This helps residents to be more energetic and they get a good opportunity to relaxe after the stressful work. Therefore, they can avoid different kinds of health issues. For instance, a recent survey revealed, a good percentage of people who live in town areas have a greater chance to come some health problems because of their fooding style and stressful life. So, entertainment facilities can avoid a good percentage of health issues. Furthermore, this development will help increase the chances of interaction among people because public parks are the best place to meet individuals. Nonetheless, shopping centres play an important role in society. The main advantage is, residents can buy everything in one place therefore after the stressful work, they do not need to go different shops for shopping. As a result, they can save their time. Moreover, some large shopping centres can also include some leisure time facilities such as cafes and cinemas. Interestingly, if mall have these types of facilities, many people can spend their leisure time with their family. Notably, a shopping mall can bring employment opportunities for many individuals. To summarize, although public parks and sports facilities are important for residents entertainment and good physical condition, I believe shopping malls also equally important because they provide some lesuire activities and job opportunities for lot of people.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
they can spend and do their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their mind and body relax. A group of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "feels"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'feel' is not always incorrect.)
feel
that it is more beneficial to include more recreational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in new cities better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that a town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
need both entertainment facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, building public parks and sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
is the necessity and that will provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do exercise or outdoor activities such as Jogging and running. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
residents to be more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
energetic and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
opportunity to
Possible spelling mistake found.
relaxe
after the stressful work.
Therefore
, they can avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of health issues.
For instance
, a recent survey revealed, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in town areas have a greater chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
fooding
style and stressful life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, entertainment facilities can avoid a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
percentage of health issues.
Furthermore
, this development will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
increase the chances of interaction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
public parks are the best place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
individuals.

Nonetheless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in society. The main advantage is, residents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything in one place
therefore
after the stressful work, they do not need to go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
shops for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
As a result
, they can save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
can
also
include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
facilities such as
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
and cinemas.
Interestingly
, if mall have these types of facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family.
Notably
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall can bring employment opportunities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals.

To summarize
, although public parks and sports facilities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for residents entertainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
physical condition, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls
also
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
lesuire
activities and job opportunities for
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is better to include more public parks and sports facilities in new towns rather than shopping malls.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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