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Some people think that it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others argue that the countryside is a better environment for kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others argue that the countryside is a better environment for kids. 6l36G
Nowadays, it is debatable whether living in rural or urban areas brings more benefits for children. In my perspective, I believe that city is a better choice for the growth of a child. There are many merits of life in the village that is crucial for kids. First of all, the countryside is surrounded by sceneries of nature and quieter than the metropolis. Children can grow in the fresh atmosphere with many green trees, which has positive effects on their health. Moreover, kids will live away from bursting cities, where has noisy environment as well as toxic air. In a recent study in the USA, children living in large cities have a tendency to suffer from respiratory diseases than in villages. Second, rural areas are secure places because there are much fewer traffic accidents and congestions. As a result, children have more freedom to do many outdoor activities instead of using smartphones or playing computer games at home most of the day. On the other hand, it is denied that children can have access to better quality when living in cities. To begin with, there are many modern facilities such as concerts, museums, art galleries, … which have advantages for the comprehensive development of next generations. Besides learning at school, they can go to destinations mentioned above to explore new things in many ranges: history, art, music, … Furthermore, the metropolis provides not only high-quality schools but also lots of extracurricular classes, which help to promote children’ abilities. According to a survey, more than 50% of people want to move from villages to cities for better opportunities in talent development. In conclusion, both living in rural and urban areas has its own advantages, which plays a significant role to raise kids. However, in my viewpoint, children exposing to a competitive world in cities are better for their lives in the future.
Nowadays, it is debatable whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in rural or urban areas brings more benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my perspective, I believe that city is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
choice for the growth of a child.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits of life in the village
that is
crucial for kids.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the countryside
is surrounded
by sceneries of nature and quieter than the metropolis.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can grow in the fresh atmosphere with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
green trees, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on their health.
Moreover
, kids will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from bursting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, where has noisy environment
as well
as toxic air. In a recent study in the USA,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have a tendency to suffer from respiratory diseases than in villages. Second, rural areas are secure places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are much fewer traffic accidents and congestions.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more freedom to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
outdoor activities
instead
of using smartphones or playing computer games at home most of the day.

On the other hand
, it
is denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern facilities such as concerts, museums, art galleries, … which have advantages for the comprehensive development of
next
generations.
Besides
learning at school, they can go to destinations mentioned above to explore new things in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ranges: history, art, music, …
Furthermore
, the metropolis provides not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high-quality schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lots of extracurricular classes, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’
abilities. According to a survey, more than 50% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from villages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunities in talent development.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in rural and urban areas has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages, which plays a significant role to raise kids.
However
, in my viewpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
exposing to a competitive world in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the future.
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others argue that the countryside is a better environment for kids.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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