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some people think that is modern word people are getting each other

some people think that is modern word people are getting each other 0nYGl
There are a variety of reasons why I would argue that people are less independent in today's life. Firstly, due to the hustle and bustle of life almost all people are always on the go and have no time for making new friendships and communications. Secondly, the increased number of committed crimes in the society is thought provoking and consequently less people are reliable and truth worthy, so fellows are not interested in making friendship with unknown individuals and this will lead to isolation. Finally, immigration had a significant role in individuals' independency since they have to make their new life in host country without any aid and support from their beloved ones. On the other hand, some people assert that dependency among people has increased in recent years. Nowadays, most of the women go back to the work environment after giving birth to a child, so children's upbringing is too dependent on grandparents' assist. As a result, individuals experience every day visits which bring intimacy and stronger relationships. Besides, technology benefits people in different ways, especially those who live far away from their home countries. They can keep in touch with friends and family members all over the world and these cause deeper relations. In conclusion, nowadays individuals experience a more hectic, thriving life which makes them more isolated and build autonomy in their personality.
There are a variety of reasons why I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less independent in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Firstly
, due to the hustle and bustle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always on the go and have no time for making new friendships and communications.
Secondly
, the increased number of committed crimes in the society is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
thought provoking
and
consequently
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reliable and truth worthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fellows are not interested in making friendship with unknown individuals and this will lead to isolation.
Finally
, immigration had a significant role in individuals'
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in host country without any aid and support from their beloved ones.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that dependency among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has increased in recent years. Nowadays, most of the women go back to the work environment after giving birth to a child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children's upbringing is too dependent on grandparents' assist.
As a result
, individuals experience every day visits which bring intimacy and stronger relationships.
Besides
, technology benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways,
especially
those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from their home countries. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with friends and family members all over the world and these cause deeper relations.

In conclusion
, nowadays individuals experience a more hectic, thriving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more isolated and build autonomy in their personality.
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IELTS essay some people think that is modern word people are getting each other

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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