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Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families other believes that this is unnecessary or negative

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families other believes that this is unnecessary or negative oEmjB
Parents are role model for their children and influencers too. Therefore children should spend time with their beloved one in their free time. Before concluding onto something both these arguments would be elaborated further in the upcoming paragraph. On the one hand spending some time with the parents is beneficial because they give proper guidance to thier children and always taught new things in their life. Most probably all children are living with their families so they can take advantage of it. Because some of prefer to play video game in their mobile or watching movies in theatre. Nowadays children are attracted towards gyms and sports so most of the children spend their free time in those activities. This is also good for their physical strength and health. On the other hand, children are not living permanently with their parents. Because after completing schools they have to go far from them for their higher studies in abroad. And children have to manage all things without them. They have to make habit to live without their parents. Because they will not guide them at that time. It seems that in some cases children have to be enough mature because all the times their families are not with them to direct them To conclude, it appears that spending time with families is Beneficial because it creates bonding with them and also children are safe under their arms. But also without them they can learn unique things in the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are role model for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and influencers too.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their beloved one in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
“Before” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Before
concluding onto something both these arguments would
be elaborated
further
in the upcoming paragraph.

On the one hand spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they give proper guidance to
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and always taught new things in their life. Most
probably
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are living with their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can take advantage of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of prefer to play video game in their mobile or watching movies in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are attracted
towards gyms and sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in those activities. This is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their physical strength and health.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not living
permanently
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
after completing schools they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go far from them for their higher studies in abroad. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage all things without them. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
habit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they will not guide them at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It seems that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
their families are not with them to direct
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them


To conclude
, it appears that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with families is Beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates bonding with them and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are safe under their arms.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
also
without them they can learn unique things in the world.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families other believes that this is unnecessary or negative

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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