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Some people think that international music is becoming popular by far more popular and so it is more important than national music, while there are others who think that national songs still have their own value and it can never be replaced by international ones. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that international music is becoming popular by far more popular and so it is more important than national music, while there are others who think that national songs still have their own value and it can never be replaced by international ones. wxpoe
People have different ideas about the importance of international and traditional music. In my opinion, although international music is more popular, and has either modern or peaceful spirit that differs from traditional ones, national songs play an important role in our culture. On the one hand, international music is gaining popularity; since there are not only a wide range of options for fans, but also there is a great enthusiasm in them. Furthermore, some people can find what they want from the list of international music, for example they can just entertain or eliminate their stress. To illustrate, a recent questionnaire in Japan, which has been about the benefits of international songs, reveal that 70% of participants listening to music consider to be a very effective way to dispose of stress. On the other hand, national songs are one of the most important part of people's culture and history. This is simply because, they usually illustrate the life and character of population in both the past and present. Moreover, they play a crucial role in traditions, which are celebrated widely among people. Take an example, there are special songs for many national festivals, if not all, and they have been formed may be for several centuries. In conclusion, both traditional and international songs are very important in people's lives, and the place of national music can not be covered by international ones
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People
have
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different
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ideas
about the importance of
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international
and traditional
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music
. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
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music
is more popular, and has either modern or peaceful spirit that differs from traditional
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ones
,
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national
songs play an
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important
role in our culture.

On the one hand,
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is gaining popularity; since there are not
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only
a wide range of options for fans,
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but
also
there is a great enthusiasm in them.
Furthermore
,
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can find what they want from the list of
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international
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music
,
for example
they can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
entertain or eliminate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. To illustrate, a recent questionnaire in Japan, which has been about the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
songs, reveal that 70% of participants listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
consider to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective way to dispose of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
,
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national
songs are one of the most
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important
part of
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people
's culture and history. This is
simply
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because
, they
usually
illustrate the life and character of population in both the past and present.
Moreover
, they play a crucial role in traditions, which
are celebrated
widely
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Take an example, there are special songs for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
festivals, if not all, and they have
been formed
may be for several centuries.

In conclusion
, both traditional and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
songs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can not
be covered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
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IELTS essay Some people think that international music is becoming popular by far more popular and so it is more important than national music, while there are others who think that national songs still have their own value and it can never be replaced by international ones.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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