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Some people think that high end and technology can prevent and cut down the crime rate. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that high end and technology can prevent and cut down the crime rate. pbDpa
How does advancing technology helps to downsizing the criminal activity. Admittedly, considering provision of high surveillance and improved security system, I believe the above notion to be beneficial. The Impulsive surveillance gives more information of a suspicious activity to the activity. It provide the quick response towards the spot. Not only improve the safe guarding of the place but also lower the risk of vandalism. Although, it had been proven by the government of the USA, net after increasing the number of traffic cameras, decreases the report off road accidents as well as stolen cars. Thus, defect of improving the technology of Reliance gadgets and system gives the opportunity to securing the parameter of a place in better way. Furthermore, the improved system of security will give advantage in safety from data breaching. The frauds and unethical hackers are are specialised in thefting information from any devices, so it can be prevented by crime mapping. In addition to this, an improved system can help to track the criminals by locating the location of their hide out. For instance, United States of America had given permission to bank for using blockchain technology for securing the money transferring. Hence, advancement in technology give the more success rate to locate criminals. In conclusion, this is a acknowledge that technological progress can halt on the the increasing crime rates bye discovering cutting edge system to protect masses from frauds.
How does advancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
Did you mean "help"?
helps
to downsizing the criminal activity.
Admittedly
, considering provision of high surveillance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, I believe the above notion to be beneficial.

The Impulsive surveillance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
more information of a suspicious activity to the activity. It
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
the quick response towards the spot. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the safe guarding of the place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lower the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of vandalism. Although, it had
been proven
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of the USA, net after increasing the number of traffic cameras, decreases the report
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
off road
accidents
as well
as stolen cars.
Thus
, defect of improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
of Reliance gadgets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
the opportunity to securing the parameter of a place in better way.

Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of security will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
advantage in safety from data breaching. The frauds and unethical hackers
Possible typo: you repeated a word
are are
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thefting
information from any devices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by crime mapping.
In addition
to this, an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the criminals by locating the location of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
out.
For instance
, United States of America had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
permission to bank for using blockchain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for securing the money transferring.
Hence
, advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the more success rate to locate criminals.

In conclusion
, this is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
The word 'acknowledge' is not a noun. Did you mean "acknowledgment"?
acknowledge
that technological progress can halt on
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
increasing crime rates bye discovering cutting edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
to protect masses from frauds.
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IELTS essay Some people think that high end and technology can prevent and cut down the crime rate.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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