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Some people think that having a set retirement age for eg 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair .They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and recieve a penshion at an earlier age .Do you agree or diagree?Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement.

Some people think that having a set retirement age for eg 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and recieve a penshion at an earlier age. Do you agree or diagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement. GR2g
It is believed by certain people that it is unfair to having a same retirement age 65 years for everyone so that is why they think that some employees should get a retirement at en early age. I totally agree with this statement. This essay will discuss that why retirement age should not be same for every worker and also discuss which group would be benefited from an early age retirement. To commence with, there are some reasons why retirement age ought to be different for different professions. Firstly, in some fields physical fitness is required so that is why in this type of occupations 65 age should not be suitable. For example, in army, people need to more physical and mental ability but i think older individuals do not have strong stamina. Secondly, in some professions like tutors and doctors who have ample amount of old experience. They can share their jod experience with new generation people. Therefore, they would not want to quit the work. Hence, if retirement age would not be same for all jobs then it will be very beneficial for workers. Probing further, there are certain professions in which early retirement is helpful. First and foremost, drivers should retire in early age because in driving more concentration is required but it is very difficult for older age drivers. Moreover, in army, sports and police need to have a healthy body. Fo example, old age sportsman could not be played well due to the lack of energy. Thus, in these kinds of group people should receive a penshion in tender age. In conclusion, it can be analysed that fixed retirement should not be compulsary for all workers. It ought to be required according to occupation.
It
is believed
by certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that it is unfair to
Did you mean "have"?
having
a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65 years for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at en
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. This essay will discuss that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should not be same for every worker and
also
discuss which group would
be benefited
from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. To commence with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
ought to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professions.
Firstly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields physical fitness
is required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
why in this type of occupations 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should not be suitable.
For example
, in army,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to more physical and mental ability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
older individuals do not have strong stamina.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professions like tutors and doctors who have ample amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
experience. They can share their
Possible spelling mistake found.
jod
experience with new generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, they would not want to quit the work.
Hence
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would not be same for all jobs then it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for workers. Probing
further
, there are certain professions in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is helpful.
First
and foremost, drivers should retire in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in driving more concentration
is required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
drivers.
Moreover
, in army, sports and police need to have a healthy body.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fo
example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
sportsman could not
be played
well due to the lack of energy.
Thus
, in these kinds of group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should receive a
Possible spelling mistake found.
penshion
in tender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
In conclusion
, it can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
should not be
Possible spelling mistake found.
compulsary
for all workers. It ought to
be required
according to occupation.
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IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age for eg 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and recieve a penshion at an earlier age. Do you agree or diagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some people think that having a set retirement age for eg 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair .They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and recieve a penshion at an earlier age .Do you agree or diagree?Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement.