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Some people think that having a set retirement age e g 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage Do you agree or disagree Which type of wo v.2

Some people think that having a set retirement age e g 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage Which type of wo v. 2
Setting the retirement age limit for all, irrespective of a profession is becoming a contentious issue which is passed by the government in the lastest law. Whilst, some people think this would be limited for certain occupations that are handling hazardous environments such as nuclear power plants, marine, and, coal workers. In my perspective, I strongly agree that constant age limit proposal for everybody will not be good for most people. However, it depends on the type of work they have been doing. On the one hand, the retirement age for all kinds of workers is unjust to society. This creates controversy between some people and the government. In 2010, 75% of people had done a demonstration against the proposed law for wages and pension schemes. In addition to that, according to the statistics which is unveiled by the World Health Organization quotes people who have been pursuing a career in coal mining, mostly affected by cancer. Moreover, 60% of people are age between 25 - 30. According to the data, the government should segregate the category of work that people have been doing. To illustrate by statistics, merely 95% of chances, people could get asthma in the coal industry. And also, nuclear power plant industries becoming growing all over the country. As a consequence, people who demand money, they actually tend to choose to work in these industries. As a result, 50% prediction that workers might get affected by throat and lung cancer. Consequently, diagnosis cost of hospitals is immensely high nowadays. So, the law has to denote these people should get retirement at an early age, as well as medical expenses, should be free for them. . To put it in a nutshell, it is apparent that retirement at an early age for some sort of occupation should get benefits from the administration. I hope, the government has to categorize the professions who would get early retirement and allocate one part of funds in the budget.
Setting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit for all, irrespective of a profession is becoming a contentious issue which
is passed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lastest
law. Whilst,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this would
be limited
for certain occupations that are handling hazardous environments such as nuclear power plants, marine, and, coal workers. In my perspective, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit proposal for everybody will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, it depends on the type of work they have been doing.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for all kinds of workers is unjust to society. This creates controversy between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. In 2010, 75% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had done a demonstration against the proposed law for wages and pension schemes.
In addition
to that, according to the statistics which
is unveiled
by the World Health Organization quotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have been pursuing a career in coal mining,
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by cancer.
Moreover
, 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
between
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
25 - 30
.

According to the data, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should segregate the category of work that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been doing. To illustrate by statistics,
merely
95% of chances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
asthma in the coal industry. And
also
, nuclear power plant industries becoming growing all over the country. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who demand money, they actually tend to choose to work in these industries.
As a result
, 50% prediction that workers might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by throat and lung cancer.
Consequently
, diagnosis cost of hospitals is
immensely
high nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
denote these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
as well
as medical expenses, should be free for them.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


To put it in a nutshell, it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of occupation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits from the administration. I hope, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
categorize the professions who would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
and allocate one part of funds in the budget.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age e g 65 years for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage Which type of wo v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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