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Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of work v.17

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of work v. 17
In this essay, I am going to discuss about the retirement age of employee in a proper age with relates to the type of job. Actually, all over the world' s labor law, the retirement age of the employees are mentioned. It varies slightly from country to country. But approximate age of retirement is 60 years. This retirement age is not easily digested by some sort of people. Some may argue that retirement age should be modified as per the type of work in which they are performing. Of course, it is agreed that, retirement age shall be more for white collar type of jobs, compared to laymen jobs. Because, the office jobs never be hard and it is safety as well. So they can perform their duties upto 80 years of age. The office job shall not be very much difficult and no need to carry heavy equipments. But if we take the laymen jobs, mostly they have to do very hard duties. They have to claim the height and lift the heavy equipments, which is not possible for old people those who are above 50 years of age. So I am strongly accept the people' s view that, the retirement age shall have to vary upon the type of work, they are doing. The maximum age limit for retirement shall be apply for professional and white collar jobs, like design engineering, office jobs, clerks, etc. This work never can be a very heavy or hard work. So they can simply sit and perform their duties. The minimum age limit for retirement recommended for laymen job or labor jobs as well. After 50 years of age, normally human beings are unable to do the heavy work. So it is advisable to decrease the retirement age for low grade labor workers.
In this essay, I am going to
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of employee in a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
with relates to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of job.

Actually, all over the
Possible spelling mistake found.
world&
#039; s labor law, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of the employees
are mentioned
. It varies
slightly
from country to country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
approximate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is 60 years.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is not
easily
digested by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
be modified
as per the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in which they are performing.

Of course
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
shall be more for white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, compared to laymen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
never be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and it is safety
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can perform their duties
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
80 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. The office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
shall not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much difficult and no need to carry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heavy
equipments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if we take the laymen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
mostly
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
duties. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
claim the height and lift the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heavy
equipments, which is not possible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
those who are above 50 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I am
strongly
Consider using a past participle here: "accepted".
accept
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s view that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
shall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
vary upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they are doing.

The maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
shall be
Consider using the past participle "applied"?
apply
for professional and white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, like design engineering, office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, clerks, etc. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
never can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heavy
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can
simply
sit and perform their duties.

The minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
recommended for laymen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or labor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as well
. After 50 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
normally
human beings are unable to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is advisable to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for low grade labor workers.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of work v. 17

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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