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Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success while others think it is not the only thing that contributes to financial success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success while others think it is not the only thing that contributes to financial success. 3p7J
Attaining financial success in this contemporary world is one of the important achievements for any individual. Predominantly there are multiple factors that help in acquiring the tame, but a portion of the people says that hard work is the only reason, while others think that it is not the only criteria. I completely opine that the latter statement will win over the debate and I will provide necessary examples in this essay to back it up. On the one hand, hard work is the dominating parameter to achieve monetary gain for any citizen. working hard daily beyond their predetermined hours is really needed to attain good results. In addition, hard work needs the commitment and dedication towards the job that they are performing. For example, a newly set up business needs greater efforts in terms of strong marketing and operational strategies along with 24X7 hours availability to bring in the successful outcomes. Moreover, today's competitive market is really tough to manage if enough struggle is not in place. On the other hand, there are certainly other parameters also to be worked upon in parallel along with hard performance to conquer greater economical stability. To begin with, smart investments at the right times in different markets adds to monetary gain. Furthermore, no matter what? a little luck also sometimes favours getting delights in life. For instance, Indian economic statistics have proven that multiple business investments at the same time have more success rate. Finally, keeping an eye on the operational expenses is also a criterion to consider while business implementations. To conclude, While, I agree that the hard word is the primary factor to consider to the monetary benefits, but other parameters like smart investment thoughts, proper handling of operational expenses and luck will absolutely make the individual reach financial success faster.
Attaining financial success in this contemporary world is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
achievements for any individual.
Predominantly
there are multiple factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in acquiring the tame,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a portion of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
criteria. I completely opine that the latter statement will win over the debate and I will provide necessary examples in this essay to back it up.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work is the dominating parameter to achieve monetary gain for any citizen.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
daily beyond their predetermined hours is
really
needed to attain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work needs the commitment and dedication towards the job that they are performing.
For example
, a
newly
set up business needs greater efforts in terms of strong marketing and operational strategies along with
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24X7
hours availability to bring in the successful outcomes.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's competitive market is
really
tough to manage if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
struggle is not in place.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parameters
also
to
be worked
upon in parallel along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
performance to conquer greater
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
stability. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, smart investments at the right times in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
markets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to monetary gain.
Furthermore
, no matter what?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
luck
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
getting delights in life.
For instance
, Indian economic statistics have proven that multiple business investments at the same time have more success rate.
Finally
, keeping an eye on the operational expenses is
also
a criterion to consider while business implementations.

To conclude
, While, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
word is the primary factor to consider to the monetary benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parameters like smart investment thoughts, proper handling of operational expenses and luck will
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the individual reach financial success faster.
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IELTS essay Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success while others think it is not the only thing that contributes to financial success.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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