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Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success while others think it is not only that contributes to financial success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Undoubtedly multiple people have their own opinions regarding different aspects. Similar is the case when people were asked to have their suggestions regarding financial success. It is believed that Hard Work plays a vital role in achieving financial success but there can be other important contributors as well. This essay will first elucidate the importance of Hard Work followed by the other key contributors in achieving Financial Success. To embark on, Hard Work plays a key role in achieving Financial success. It is the first step towards your goal. Nothing can be achieved without it. In the past, it has been observed that people who were hard workers in their times have achieved couple of things in their career and become great personalities in one domain or the other. There is a well known saying regarding Hard Work - “Hardwork is the key to success”. On the other hand, Hard work with the combination of other factors such as Planning, Vision, Smart Work, etc are the ultimate combination for a well desired output. These can be a game changer and can help an individual drastically. There are some well known richest persons in the world for e. g. Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Mukesh Ambani. Lets discuss about Jeff Bezos in detail. He started working with Amazon with a small number of employees in one of the key areas. Gradually he increased working in couple of other domains, as a result man power was increased to a great extent in a short span of time, hence he started getting good profits from the last couple of quarters. All this was achieved with the help of Hard Work & a focused insight on the market trends. Now Amazon is the well known cloud service provider among various organizations. Similar is the trend observed in other millionaires. In my opinion, Hard Work with Smart Work is essential. Hard work can be achieved by most of the people but on the above Smart Work can be applied by few of the people resulting in world class future endeavors. To recapitulate, Hard work is the primary element to complete any sub task, combining it with couple of other traits results in a world class outcome. Hence can result as a Financial success.
Undoubtedly
multiple
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people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects. Similar is the case when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were asked
to have their suggestions regarding
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financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. It
is believed
that
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Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
plays a vital role in achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there can be
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other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
contributors as
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well
. This essay will
first
elucidate the importance of
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Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
followed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
key
contributors in achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Financial
Success.

To embark on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
plays a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
key
role in achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. It is the
first
step towards your goal. Nothing can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
without it. In the past, it has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
workers in their times have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
things in their career and become great personalities in one domain or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. There is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known saying regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
“
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hardwork
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
key
to success”.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with the combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as Planning, Vision, Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
, etc are the ultimate combination for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
desired output. These can be a game changer and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual
drastically
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known richest persons in the world for
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Mukesh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
.
Did you mean "Let's" (let's = let us; lets = 3rd person singular of 'let')?
Lets
Did you mean simply "discuss Jeff"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about Jeff
Bezos in detail. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working with Amazon with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of employees in one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
key
areas.
Gradually
he increased working in
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
domains,
as a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
power
was increased
to a great extent in a short span of time,
hence
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profits from the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
of quarters. All this was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
& a focused insight on the market trends.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
Amazon is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known cloud service provider among various organizations. Similar is the trend observed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
millionaires.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
with Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
is essential.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieved
by most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the above Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
can
be applied
by few of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
resulting in world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
future endeavors.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the primary element to complete any
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
sub task
, combining it with
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
traits results in a world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
outcome.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
can result as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that hard work helps in achieving financial success while others think it is not only that contributes to financial success.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
377 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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