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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.10

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 10
Although some people are of a notion that kids need to be encouraged more by their parents to get themselves involved in group activities, other people believe that children ought to mingle with others on their own. In my opinion, I consider that parents should show more support to their wards to join and keep themselves occupied in activities that involve many people. On the one hand, some people feel that adults should act as a backbone for their children by lending their words of trust and encouragement, to help them come out of their boundaries and participate in events that increase their level of interaction with the fellow members. And I agree. This will give a platform to the child in getting their inner talent out, which would have otherwise been submersed within oneself. For example, an introvert child requires more emotional support from his parents to showcase his dancing skills in front of many people which would have been previously performed before the family. On the other hand, other people think that children should spontaneously indulge themselves in get-togethers on their own. This is possible with children who are extroverts by behavior and do not hesitate to become a part of any occasion irrespective of the number of people gathered for the same. For instance, children of the present generation are more outgoing and taking part in every activity without requiring much instigation from the parents. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I believe that encouragement by parents is a necessity towards their wards to get them out of their initial comfort zone and make them ready to face the world.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of a notion that kids need to
be encouraged
more by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves involved in group activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to mingle with others on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In my opinion, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more support to their wards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied in activities that involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that adults should act as a backbone for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by lending their words of trust and encouragement, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their boundaries and participate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that increase their level of interaction with the fellow members. And I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. This will give a platform to the child in getting their inner talent out, which would have
otherwise
been submersed
within oneself.
For example
, an introvert child requires more emotional support from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to showcase his dancing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in front of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which would have been previously performed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the family.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
spontaneously
indulge themselves in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-togethers on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This is possible with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are extroverts by behavior and do not hesitate to become a part of any occasion irrespective of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gathered for the same.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the present generation are more outgoing and taking part in every activity without requiring much instigation from the parents.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinion, I believe that encouragement by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is a necessity towards their wards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them out of their initial comfort zone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ready to face the world.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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