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Some people think that government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. pb5Gm
A country’s development depends on its educational curriculum. To make progress, some people suggest that the government should spend money on science-related subjects more than any other subject such as arts, commerce and literature. I agree with this suggestion and acknowledge that funding for other subjects is necessary also. To begin with, investing money in educating science can be prolific in many aspects. Firstly, it creates a lot of job opportunities. For example, tech giants such as Facebook, Google, Twitter is employing job seekers who have sufficient knowledge in technology. Secondly, Country development comes with the enhancement of scientific as well as technical education. For instance, IIT, one of the best universities in India, which supply CEO to numerous multinational companies. They not only increase countries GDP but also encourage youngsters to build their careers with the teaching of science. On the other hand, the only scientist's technologists and engineers cannot make a progressive nation. A country also requires poets, literature and economists. If the scientists are the body of a nation then artists, poets are the fuel provider. For example, in the liberation war of Bangladesh artists, singers encouraged freedom fighters by their writing and singing. Without the proper
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development depends on its educational curriculum. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend money on science-related subjects more than any other subject such as arts, commerce and literature. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this suggestion and acknowledge that funding for other subjects is necessary
also
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, investing money in educating science can be prolific in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
Firstly
, it creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
job opportunities.
For example
, tech giants such as Facebook, Google, Twitter is employing job seekers who have sufficient knowledge in technology.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Country
development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with the enhancement of scientific
as well
as technical education.
For instance
, IIT, one of the best universities in India, which supply CEO to numerous multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
GDP
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
encourage youngsters to build their careers with the teaching of science.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
scientist's technologists and engineers cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a progressive nation. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
also
requires poets, literature and economists. If the scientists are the body of a nation then artists, poets are the fuel provider.
For example
, in the liberation war of Bangladesh artists, singers encouraged freedom fighters by their writing and singing. Without the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
proper
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IELTS essay Some people think that government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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