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In some countries, young people are richer, safer, and healthier than ever before, however they are less happy. What are the reasons and what can be done to deal with the problem.

In some countries, young people are richer, safer, and healthier than ever before, however they are less happy. What are the reasons and what can be done to deal with the problem. kj6oO
In this day and age, the grown-ups in certain countries have become wealthier, healthier and live longer than in the past, but they are less joyful. I will discuss some reasons and give solutions in this essay. There are two compelling reasons that explain why the young people have enough material possessions but are not blissful. Firstly, In terms of taking care of children, it seems that children nowadays are provided enough material rather than children in the past like clothes, computers and other amenities, but less happy for their mental health. The reason is that parents are occupied with many responsibilities at the workplaces from dawn to dark, so they do not have time for their kids to confide in. Secondly, regarding adults, some of them define success and happiness by measuring how much money they have. Therefore, they have become more and more competitive and want to earn more money than others, so they are always under pressure and are not happy. On the other hand, I believe that some solutions can be taken into consideration. First, people should manage their time reasonably by reducing workloads, taking a break with family to cement the family's bond. Second, looking at the bright side and trying to open interaction with other employees in a company to increase productivity and progress together. In conclusion, those are some reasons why the young people are healthier, rischer but are less happy. I also believe the above solutions could help people handle that problem.
In this day and age, the grown-ups in certain countries have become wealthier, healthier and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are less joyful. I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and give solutions in this essay.

There are two compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
material possessions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are not blissful.
Firstly
, In terms of taking care of children, it seems that children nowadays
are provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
material
rather
than children in the past like clothes, computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
amenities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less happy for their mental health. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that parents
are occupied
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities at the workplaces from dawn to dark,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have time for their kids to confide in.
Secondly
, regarding adults,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them define success and happiness by measuring how much money they have.
Therefore
, they have become more and more competitive and want to earn more money than others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are always under pressure and are not happy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions can
be taken
into consideration.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should manage their time
reasonably
by reducing workloads, taking a break with family to cement the family's bond. Second, looking at the bright side and trying to open interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
employees in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to increase productivity and progress together.

In conclusion
, those are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthier,
Possible spelling mistake found.
rischer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are less happy. I
also
believe the above solutions could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
handle that problem.
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IELTS essay In some countries, young people are richer, safer, and healthier than ever before, however they are less happy. What are the reasons and what can be done to deal with the problem.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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