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Some people think that Government should invest money in wildlife projects and protect them , other people think it is for the government to invests money in other projects. Discuss both views and give your oion

Some people think that Government should invest money in wildlife projects and protect them, other people think it is for the government to invests money in other projects. Discuss both views and give your oion DlDG7
Government investing in projects is a controversial issue. however, there are predominately two contrasting views where a section of society vehemently deems that government should invest resources in those projects which is for the protection of fauna, while others emphasis that government should allocate funds for projects other than wildlife project. In my opinion, I believe that a balanced approach should be adopted. Apparently, various factors make a section of individuals advocate that investing funds for the protection of wildlife is essential. First and foremost is, wildlife is a significant part of ecosystem as they help in maintaining the ecological balance of nature. So, their protection is necessary. Secondly, wildlife of the nation helps in attracting the tourism which assist in the proliferation of gross domestic income of the host country. South Africa, to exemplify, earn voluminous amount of financial resources because annually thousands of people visit the country to experience its animal safari. On the other hand, some believe that Regime should allocate funds for the development of other sectors for myriad reasons. Chiefly, injecting funds for the establishment of industries assist in reducing the rate of unemployment which further Not only improves standard of living but also decline rate of poverty in the country. For instance, Canadian government invest 10% of its national income in the development of industrial sector which generate lucrative job opportunities for the civilians. Furthermore, government should allocate resources for the upliftment of education sector as well as infrastructure because skilled human resources along with adequate facilities play an indispensable role in the development of the country. In my profound opinion, I believe investment for the protection of wildlife and in other sectors such as education infrastructure and health are required for the overall development of every nation because both have the own importance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
is a controversial issue.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, there are
predominately
two contrasting views where a section of society
vehemently
deems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest resources in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
which is for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
of fauna, while others emphasis that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
. In my opinion, I believe that a balanced approach should
be adopted
.

Apparently
, various factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a section of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "advocates"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'advocate' is not always incorrect.)
advocate
that investing funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
is essential.
First
and foremost is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
is a significant part of ecosystem as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in maintaining the ecological balance of nature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
is necessary.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
of the nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in attracting the tourism which assist in the proliferation of gross domestic income of the host country. South Africa, to exemplify, earn voluminous amount of financial resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
annually
thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit the country to experience its animal safari.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that Regime should allocate funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
for myriad reasons.
Chiefly
, injecting funds for the establishment of industries assist in reducing the rate of unemployment which
further
Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
standard of living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
decline rate of poverty in the country.
For instance
, Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
invest 10% of its national income in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
which generate lucrative job opportunities for the civilians.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate resources for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
of education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
as well
as infrastructure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
skilled human resources along with adequate facilities play an indispensable role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the country.

In my profound opinion, I believe investment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as education infrastructure and health
are required
for the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of every nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance.
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IELTS essay Some people think that Government should invest money in wildlife projects and protect them, other people think it is for the government to invests money in other projects. Discuss both views and give your oion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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