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consumerism and how to prevent

consumerism and how to prevent wBb6q
Over the years, people mostly keep buying stuff without considering a budget and get into debts by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. It may be due to consumerism which has drastically increased among societies. The first reason which comes to my mind is countries so that industries have become more developed, so they are producing more day by day. As a result, they need to persuade their target communities to buy those products; accordingly, advertisements play a huge part in this process. We can face advertisements anywhere, anytime, whether watching a film or football at home or driving or walking among the street. Though these advertisements are generally in front of our faces, they are sometimes entirely indirect, and some of us as the audience might not see the advertisements by our eyes, but suddenly we feel like a drink or a snack. This is only one of the major reasons people buy lots of stuff every day, leading to consumerism. Speaking of other reasons for consumerism, I would say one of the main reasons for this issue could be related to the fact that the more developed societies are, the more individualistic their people are so that some people are considering consumerism even unconsciously as a way to indulge the sense of absence in their lives. Mostly, civilians come up with having no money and a pile of useless stuff at the end of the month, and some of them might fall into severe troubles, something worse than getting into debt, being completely broken. To control this behaviour, I recommend governments signify the importance of respect for people’s belongings and get help from conservationists to declare all the drawbacks of consumerism and indicate all the hazardous harm people can cause to nature. Meanwhile, the media can reduce the number of advertisements on either TV or websites; also, it can increase people’s awareness by showing some different lifestyles such as minimalism or wabi-Sabi. In the end, I would like to say, controlling, decreasing or even stopping the drastic increase of consumerism is not only the governments or conservationists duty. People should come up with an understanding of the importance of saving nature and setting a budget each month to avoid debts and consumerism.
Over the years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
buying stuff without considering a budget and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into debts by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. It may be due to consumerism which has
drastically
increased among societies.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to my mind is countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that industries have become more developed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are producing more day by day.
As a result
, they need to persuade their target communities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those products;
accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
play a huge part in this process. We can face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
anywhere, anytime, whether watching a film or football at home or driving or walking among the street. Though these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
generally
in front of our faces, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
entirely
indirect, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us as the audience might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
by our eyes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
suddenly
we feel like a drink or a snack. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
lots of stuff every day, leading to consumerism.

Speaking of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for consumerism, I would say one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this issue could
be related
to the fact that the more developed societies are, the more individualistic their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considering consumerism even
unconsciously
as a way to indulge the sense of absence in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Mostly
, civilians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with having no money and a pile of useless stuff at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them might fall into severe troubles, something worse than getting into debt, being completely broken.

To control this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, I recommend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
signify the importance of respect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
belongings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from conservationists to declare all the drawbacks of consumerism and indicate all the hazardous harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can cause to nature. Meanwhile, the media can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on either TV or websites;
also
, it can increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness by showing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyles such as minimalism or
Possible spelling mistake found.
wabi-Sabi
.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I would like to say, controlling, decreasing or even stopping the drastic increase of consumerism is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
or conservationists duty.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with an understanding of the importance of saving nature and setting a budget each month to avoid debts and consumerism.
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IELTS essay consumerism and how to prevent

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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