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Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. d1bE
It is true that there is an concern of dangerous sports which is widespread and draw to public attentions, other people believe that these should be banned, although people must not be underestimate its consequence to individual and communities as a whole. I would argue that they should freedom to participate whatever sports that they engage in. On the one hand, people have several strong reasons to the government must imposed official bans and restricted to dangerous sports. Firstly, due to safety reason, there are many extreme case that recuse member of group have put their threaten-life situation to help people who are addicted and intriguing by dangerous sports.
It is true that there is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
concern of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which is widespread and draw to public attentions, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that these should
be banned
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
Consider using a past participle here: "underestimated".
underestimate
its
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "to". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence to
individual and communities as a whole. I would argue that they should freedom to participate whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that they engage in. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have several strong reasons to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
imposed official bans and restricted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Firstly
, due to safety reason, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
extreme case that recuse member of group have put their threaten-life situation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are addicted
and intriguing by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.

IELTS essay Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
109 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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