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Some people think that giving out pocket money for their children every week can cause problems with money management when children grow up.

Some people think that giving out pocket money for their children every week can cause problems with money management when children grow up. 8Qbom
Some people think that giving out pocket money for their children every week can cause problems with money management when children grow up. I completely agree with this opinion and I think giving pocket money every week can advantage to children to people in the future. First of all I believe that giving money to kids every week works in his favor. That is why I do agree with this opinion, children should start learn money management from a young age. For instance my parents provided me with enough money as a child an helped me feel equal with other children. That is why parents should provide children with money and other things for their needs. Secondary, giving children weekly money is important for parents to teach their children to save its value. In other words giving children money serves as a reason for them to try to save money They have opportunity to use the money saved this week in a additional way the next week. For example when I was in school, I would save my money I was given and get the gift I wanted for my friends’ birthday as well as for mom sister. Tus parents have a big part to play teaching their children money management. To sum up giving weekly pocket money is beneficial for the child and for the parent, because it is necessary for parents to give their children weekly money for themselves and for their children to learn future money management.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
out pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
can cause problems with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
can advantage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the future.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to kids every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
works in his favor.

That is
why I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management from a young age.
For instance
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provided me with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a child
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me feel equal with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and other things for their needs.

Secondary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to save its value.
In other words
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
serves as a reason for them to try to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
They have opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
saved this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
Consider replacing "in a additional way" with the adverb for "additional"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a additional way
the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
For example
when I was in school, I would save my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the gift I wanted for my friends’ birthday
as well
as for mom sister.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
part to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go teaching".
play teaching
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management.

To sum up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
weekly pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is beneficial for the child and for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for themselves and for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management.

IELTS essay Some people think that giving out pocket money for their children every week can cause problems with money management when children grow up.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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