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Some people think that getting part-time jobs while you are a student affects your performance in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that getting part-time jobs while you are a student affects your performance in school. q07nP
It is a common belief that students should not have part-time jobs while they are still in school because it affects their performance at school. However, I firmly believe that students should get part-time jobs because it brings them such benefits as personal finance improvement and work experiences. To begin with, students should seek a part-time job to earn some extra money. Students are not in a well-off family, so they are forced to get a part-time job to pay for tuition fees and daily bills. Moreover, students are self-reliant if they have their own money. They could hang out with friends regularly and treat themselves better. According to a recent survey, 70 percent of students reduce stress and have a satisfying life when they are financially independent thanks to part-time jobs. On top of that, A part- time job offers students a chance to work in a dynamic environment, so they will have more work experiences. Students build up a wide network of professional contacts easily, so they could gain valuable experiences from other colleagues. Besides, they also have practical experiences such as teamwork, problem-solving, and leadership skills in a professional working environment where they have to take responsibility for different tasks. Those experiences are beneficial for students to find a new career in the future. It may be argued that getting a part-time job is not necessary for students because it affects their performance at school. However, I strongly disagree with this statement because students could balance work and study due to flexible time for part-time jobs. Thanks to practical skills from part-time jobs, students could handle their performance better. In brief, getting part-time jobs has benefits such as personal finance improvement and work experiences. It is clear that having a part-time job is an attractive chance to experience practical tasks which support students in the future. Therefore, they should learn to balance things to have excellent performance.
It is a common belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not have part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while they are
still
in school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
at school.
However
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings them such benefits as personal finance improvement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should seek a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are not in a well-off family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to pay for tuition fees and daily bills.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are self-reliant if they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money. They could hang out with friends
regularly
and treat themselves better. According to a recent survey, 70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and have a satisfying life when they are
financially
independent thanks to part-time jobs.

On top of that
, A part- time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a dynamic environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
build up a wide network of professional contacts
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could gain valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
from other colleagues.
Besides
, they
also
have practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
such as teamwork, problem-solving, and leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in a professional working environment where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take responsibility for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tasks. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to find a new career in the future.

It may
be argued
that getting a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
at school.
However
, I
strongly
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study due to flexible time for part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Thanks to practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could handle their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
better.

In brief
, getting part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
has benefits such as personal finance improvement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that having a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is an attractive chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
practical tasks which support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the future.
Therefore
, they should learn to balance things to have excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that getting part-time jobs while you are a student affects your performance in school.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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