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Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. v. 2
Many people have different views as to when children should start formal education. While some argue that children should learn as soon as possible, others contend that 7 seems to be the optimal age for formal schooling. Personally, I agree with the latter. On the one hand, there are reasonable arguments for commencing formal learning at a young age. Firstly, this helps to shorten the learning journey of learners, leaving them more time to be better prepared for their future. If learning process were to be contracted, students would have more time in their hands to add more things to their skill set, be it computer skills or interpersonal capabilities. Moreover, it has been proved that the brain at their early years of development has the advantage of absorbing knowledge and learning new things faster than when it grow older. Therefore, the fact that a number of Vietnamese parents are eager to send their offspring to private pre-school classes can be seen as a way of taking such an advantage. However, I believe that all formal schooling programmes should not be implemented until children reach the age of 7. From the ethical perspective, all children have the right to enjoy a childhood which is free from any pressures including financial burdens and school-related issues. In other words, their early years in life should only centre around family and leisure activities as they have almost a lifetime ahead to be stressed and worried about. On top of that, early schooling has been proved ineffective due to the intricate nature of knowledge that has to be imparted to children. As a result, informal forms of teaching through music and paintings seem to be the right way to go. In conclusion, despite the advantages in terms of time and learning speed that early schooling brings to children, I believe that formal classes should start at the age of 7.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views as to when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
education. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, others contend that 7 seems to be the optimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter.

On the one hand, there are reasonable arguments for commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Firstly
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to shorten the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
journey of learners, leaving them more time to be better prepared for their future. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process were to
be contracted
, students would have more time in their hands to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more things to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set, be it computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or interpersonal capabilities.
Moreover
, it has
been proved
that the brain at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
years of development has the advantage of absorbing knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
new things faster than when it
Did you mean "grows"?
grow
older.
Therefore
, the fact that a number of Vietnamese parents are eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their offspring to private
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-school
classes can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a way of taking such an advantage.

However
, I believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
should not
be implemented
until
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 7. From the ethical perspective, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the right to enjoy a childhood which is free from any pressures including financial burdens and school-related issues.
In other words
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
years in life should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
around family and leisure activities as they have almost a lifetime ahead to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and worried about.
On top of that
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
has
been proved
ineffective due to the intricate nature of knowledge that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be imparted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, informal forms of teaching through music and paintings seem to be the right way to go.

In conclusion
, despite the advantages in terms of time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
speed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
brings to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
classes should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 7.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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