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Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible. While others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.7

Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible. While others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. v. 7
Recently, there has been much interest in gaining a better understanding on how formal education affects children. Some people feel that it is unnecessary to bring children to school before 7 years of age. However, I agree with those who claim that formal education can be started as early as possible. In this essay I will provide a rationale for both both view point as well as give a proffer justification for my own belief. Those who espouse the former view claim that formal education can be harmful to young age mental health. In addition, modern life style gives parents an opportunity to work from home and take care of kids. Therefore, in most cases families do not see any necessity to force their children to begin schooling as yearly as possible. The proponents of this vision also provide empirical evidence to support their standpoint. For instance, a 2019 research conducted by the team of scientists from the University of London found that students who started their educational journey at the young age are more unhappy and suffering from mental health problems. However, one can argue that there is more than this research tells. I firmly believe that early formal schooling can be beneficial for children. It is well known fact that the social development of people is taking its begging from school. Children are getting used to behave more comfortable in society as well as discipline in educational establishments plays a major role in this process. St. George school in Toronto is a shining example of how early schooling can be pleasant for kids. First few years team of professional tutors are providing material in a playful way and staying focused on observing children’s behaviour and characters. To sum up, despite the different points of view on whether way of the begging of formal education I hold on to the opinion that the early childhood schooling can yield big benefits.
Recently, there has been much interest in gaining a better understanding on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that it is unnecessary to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
7 years of age.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible. In this essay I will provide a rationale for
Possible typo: you repeated a word
both both
view point
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
give a proffer justification for my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
belief.

Those who espouse the former view claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can be harmful to young age mental health.
In addition
, modern life style gives parents an opportunity to work from home and take care of kids.
Therefore
,
in most cases
families do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any necessity to force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
as yearly as possible. The proponents of this vision
also
provide empirical evidence to support their standpoint.
For instance
, a 2019 research conducted by the team of scientists from the University of London found that students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their educational journey at the young age are more unhappy and suffering from mental health problems.

However
, one can argue that there is more than this research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
. I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
can be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is well known fact that the social development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is taking its begging from school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to behave more comfortable in society
as well
as discipline in educational establishments plays a major role in this process. St. George school in Toronto is a shining example of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
can be pleasant for kids.
First
few years team of professional tutors are providing material
Consider replacing "in a playful way" with the adverb for "playful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a playful way
and staying focused on observing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and characters.

To sum up, despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view on whether way of the begging of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
I hold on to the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
can yield
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
benefits.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible. While others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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