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Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have different views about whether parents or outer environment have a great impact on children’s life. There are arguments on both sides of this very topical debate, and I will discuss them now. On the one hand, a number of people mention that children who usually grow up in the outside conditions, around many people, are skilled and with a broad outlook. For example, they often spend huge part of their times with their friends. It means, they can get a great access to extensive practice of conversation and communication which help them to get on or socialize easily with other people. Also, they can broaden their horizons by spending much of their hours with strangers, and to gain information about outside world or to create for themselves another behavior and manner which parents cannot teach. For instance, they would learn to give their seat to disabled or older people on the bus or train. On the other hand, supporters of family life argue that parents have essential roles on their child’s future. For example, children who grow up around their family members are usually well-tempered and their educational habits will be better as they are always controlled by their parents and the discipline that is set by parents plays crucial role on child’s development. Another advantage of family role is that since young children are usually naïve and they have not got enough experience about the world, they often need the moral support that nobody can tell except their parents. For instance, children will have variety of difficult situations that they cannot handle without their parents help. To illustrate, 16-year-old youngster are preparing for his final exam and definitely this period is usually hard for him, but at that moments parents really can help to handle from that difficulties. In conclusion, my own opinion is that impact of the family members are greater than outer influence on children development as children will be well-tempered and with a good educational habits and also be provided with moral support.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or outer environment have a great impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life. There are arguments on both sides of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
topical debate, and I will discuss them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
grow up in the outside conditions, around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
are skilled
and with a broad outlook.
For example
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend huge part of their times with their friends. It means, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply “great access”.
a great access
to extensive practice of conversation and communication which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on or socialize
easily
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, they can broaden their horizons by spending much of their hours with strangers, and to gain information about outside world or to create for themselves another behavior and manner which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot teach.
For instance
, they would learn to give their seat to disabled or older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the bus or train.

On the other hand
, supporters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have essential roles on their child’s future.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who grow up around their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
well-tempered and their educational habits will be better as they are always controlled by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the discipline that
is set
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
plays crucial role on child’s development. Another advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
role is that since young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
naïve and
they have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience about the world, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need the moral support that nobody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
except their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have
It seems that an article is missing. Did you mean “the variety of” or “a variety of”?
variety of
difficult situations that they cannot handle without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. To illustrate, 16-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
youngster are preparing for his final exam and definitely this period is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for him,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at that moments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
really
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to handle from that difficulties.

In conclusion
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion is that impact of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are greater than outer influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be well-tempered and with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational habits and
also
be provided
with moral support.
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IELTS essay Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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