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Some people think that excessive use of smart phones badly affects teenagers’ literacy skills. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that excessive use of smart phones badly affects teenagers’ literacy skills. v. 1
It is argued by a few individuals that extreme usage of mobile phones has detrimental effects on adolescent’s education. I completely agree with this statement. This essay will explain 2 fundamental reasons to illustrate how addiction to mobiles is causing a damaging effect on young children's academic scores. Firstly, excess usage of cell phone is causing physical health problems, and thereby, affecting children’s academic performance. Although youngsters are cautioned by elders, about the negative ramifications produced by this gadget, children are still desperate to use them as they enjoy playing games and accessing social media. Moreover, many children are sacrificing sleep in order to spend more time with the gadget. As a result, youngsters are prone to various health problems such as loss of eye visibility, fatigue, obesity, etc. Thereby, they are unable to concentrate on academics and hence are failing to achieve viable scores. In a recent survey conducted by BBC among young children, it was found that only 50% of students who use mobile frequently were able to achieve average pass marks. On the other hand, 90% of students who do not consume mobile phone are able to achieve the same. Another major concern is that, this is also resulting in mental health issues and thereby indirectly impacting student’s scores. Mobile games these days promote violence and children are certainly attracted to such games due to the thrill that they provide. However, this results in adverse effects on child’s psychological health as the child is constantly exposed to such fierce environment. Although the youngster’s play these games virtually, it is due to human psychology that they get impacted in their daily life due to the illusions that are formed in the brain. For instance, recent news reported that, 1929 teenager’s committed suicide globally as they were deeply involved in playing a game called Pub-G. Also, high performing students who got gradually addicted to this game have failed in the majority of subjects. In conclusion, repeated usage of mobile device renders bad academic scores as students using this gadget get physically and mentally sick. Hence, mobile usage should be limited.
It
is argued
by a few individuals that extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of mobile phones has detrimental effects on adolescent’s education. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
2 fundamental reasons to illustrate how addiction to mobiles is causing a damaging effect on young children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
scores.

Firstly
, excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of cell phone is causing physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems, and thereby, affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance. Although youngsters
are cautioned
by elders, about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ramifications produced by this gadget,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
still
desperate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them as they enjoy playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and accessing social media.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are sacrificing sleep in order to spend more time with the gadget.
As a result
, youngsters are prone to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems such as loss of eye visibility, fatigue, obesity, etc. Thereby, they are unable to concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
and
hence
are failing to achieve viable scores. In a recent survey conducted by BBC among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it
was found
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
frequently
were able to achieve average pass marks.
On the other hand
, 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not consume mobile phone are able to achieve the same.

Another major concern is that, this is
also
resulting in mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and thereby
indirectly
impacting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
scores. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
these days promote violence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
certainly
attracted to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
due to the thrill that they provide.
However
, this results in adverse effects on child’s psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as the child is
constantly
exposed to such fierce environment. Although the youngster’s play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
virtually
, it is due to human psychology that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
impacted in their daily life due to the illusions that
are formed
in the brain.
For instance
, recent news reported that, 1929
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
’s committed suicide globally as they were
deeply
involved in playing a game called Pub-G.
Also
, high performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
gradually
addicted to this game have failed in the majority of subjects.

In conclusion
, repeated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of mobile device renders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
scores as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
using this gadget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
physically
and mentally sick.
Hence
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
should
be limited
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that excessive use of smart phones badly affects teenagers’ literacy skills. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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