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Government is the one to blame for unemployment

Government is the one to blame for unemployment gGW0D
It is clear that not updating the jobs trends of the government induces significantly mass unemployment. Due to the development of the Fourth Industrial Revolution, there are more and more up-to-date occupations that meet the market economy high requirements, which means all the obsolete jobs will soon disappear. In reality, in Viet Nam, there are just a few traditional motorbike taxi drivers now working because of the rapid popularity of technology motorbike taxi applications such as Grab, Uber. For that reason, if the government do not alter the labour market and improve policy to enforce good job security, many people whose jobs have not adapted to the changes of economic trends will surely be out of work. Consequently, these large numbers of unemployed people will become a burden impacting the countries’ socio-economic development.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that not updating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
trends of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
induces
significantly
mass unemployment. Due to the development of the Fourth Industrial Revolution, there are more and more up-to-date occupations that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the market economy high requirements, which means all the obsolete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
disappear. In reality, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few traditional motorbike taxi drivers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rapid popularity of technology motorbike taxi applications such as Grab, Uber. For that reason, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
do not alter the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
policy to enforce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have not adapted to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of economic trends will
surely
be out of work.
Consequently
, these large numbers of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will become a burden impacting the countries’
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economic
development.

IELTS essay Government is the one to blame for unemployment

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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