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Nowdays people are more into out of control

Nowdays people are more into out of control Baw2m
ㅤ: Indeed, children these days spending most of their time on screens such as Televisions and computers instead of going out. As a result, they are facing health problems such as obesity, parents should abolish them. The lack of outdoor activities involves plenty of problems. First and foremost, with a sedentary lifestyle, children may suffer from chubbiness which further can be a problem for many other diseases like high blood pressure and difficulty in breathing. Also, wasting time on television can affect their eyes. A Survey of a magazine, reveals that the majority of children about 70%, who are sitting in front of their computer screen lose their eight sights. Secondly, some games are highly toxic which can result in mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. To deal with the problem parents encourage them to play outdoor activities being a competitor of them. If parents are a part of the game, kids will become more curious to participate. After all, parents are the first heroes of their offspring. Moreover, to encourage them, parents can tell them their own stories. By doing this, not only they can remove their pent-up stress but also can surge their children interested in outdoor sports. Despite this, storytelling can improve their reasoning power. To sum up, it is true that children nowadays are more homesick instead of playing outside which is causing several diseases such as adiposity, depression and low vision. Parents are advised to play with them in order to get rid of the problem.
ㅤ:
Indeed
,
children
these days spending most of their time on screens such as Televisions and computers
instead
of going out.
As a result
, they are facing health
problems
such as obesity,
parents
should abolish them.

The lack of outdoor activities involves
plenty
of
problems
.
First
and foremost, with a sedentary lifestyle,
children
may suffer from chubbiness which
further
can be a
problem
for
many
other diseases like high blood pressure and difficulty in breathing.
Also
, wasting time on television can affect their eyes.

A Survey of a magazine, reveals that the majority of
children
about 70%, who are sitting in front of their computer screen lose their eight sights.
Secondly
,
some
games are
highly
toxic which can result in mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety.

To deal with the
problem
parents
encourage them to play outdoor activities being a competitor of them. If
parents
are a part of the game, kids will become more curious to participate.
After all
,
parents
are the
first
heroes of their offspring.

Moreover
, to encourage them,
parents
can
tell
them their
own
stories. By doing this, not
only
they can remove their pent-up
stress
but
also
can surge their
children
interested in outdoor sports. Despite this, storytelling can
improve
their reasoning power.

To sum up, it is true that
children
nowadays are more homesick
instead
of playing outside which is causing several diseases such as
adiposity
, depression and low vision.
Parents
are advised
to play with them in order to
get
rid of the
problem
.
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IELTS essay Nowdays people are more into out of control

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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