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Some people think that earning a high salary is the most important thing about a job. Other people think that doing enjoyable work is more important, even if the job does not pay well. Which is more important to you: work that pays well or work that is en v.1

Some people think that earning a high salary is the most important thing about a job. Other people think that doing enjoyable work is more important, even if the job does not pay well. Which is more important to you: work that pays well or work that is en v. 1
It is argued that women are better caretakers than men and hence they should concentrate more on bringing up children and less on their careers. This essay disagrees with that opinion because their natural care-giving quality is what sets them apart from the opposite gender. Firstly, this essay will discuss how the aid-giving trait in women in an advantage in their careers and secondly, how their successful work-life contributes to a healthy environment at home. Women are known to possess a natural nurturing quality in them. It is this aspect that proves to be an advantage in their careers. They have a higher emotional quotient than men and their compassion and kindness towards others can be beneficial to their work life. For example, my friend Rachel who was in the human resources department at my previous company, Ernst & Young, was promoted to a managerial position due to her ability to connect and show empathy towards employees. Whereas John, another friend of mine, who joined the company at the same time as she remained in the same position. Successful women contribute to a healthy environment at home. Women are the centrepiece of a family and the happiness of the family directly depends on them. Working women find that having a career makes them feel accomplished and self-sufficient. This, in turn, gives them happiness. To illustrate, my aunt Emma was having a hard time when she decided to take a year off from her job to take care of her newborn daughter. She missed working and felt taking a year off might make her redundant. As a result, she would often feel resentment towards her daughter. However, a few months later, she decided to take up a part-time job and this turned out to be the best decision she ever made. She felt fulfilled at work and her happiness reflected onto her family as well. In conclusion, women shouldn’t concentrate on taking care of kids over their careers because their nurturing abilities are what helps them in their careers and this in turn leads to a healthier atmosphere at home.
It
is argued
that
women
are better caretakers than
men
and
hence
they should concentrate more on bringing up children and less on their
careers
. This essay disagrees with that opinion
because
their natural care-giving quality is what sets them apart from the opposite gender.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss how the aid-giving trait in
women
in an advantage in their
careers
and
secondly
, how their successful work-life contributes to a healthy environment at home.

Women
are known
to possess a natural nurturing quality in them. It is this aspect that proves to be an advantage in their
careers
. They have a higher emotional quotient than
men
and their compassion and kindness towards others can be beneficial to their work life.
For example
, my friend Rachel who was in the human resources department at my previous
company
, Ernst & Young,
was promoted
to a managerial position due to her ability to connect and
show
empathy towards employees. Whereas John, another friend of mine, who
joined
the
company
at the same time as she remained in the same position.

Successful
women
contribute to a healthy environment at home.
Women
are the
centrepiece
of a family and the happiness of the family
directly
depends on them. Working
women
find that having a
career
makes
them feel accomplished and self-sufficient. This, in turn, gives them happiness. To illustrate, my aunt Emma was having a
hard
time when she decided to take a year off from her job to take care of her newborn daughter. She missed working and felt taking a year off might
make
her redundant.
As a result
, she would
often
feel resentment towards her daughter.
However
, a few months later, she decided to take up a part-time job and this turned out to be the best decision she ever made. She felt fulfilled at work and her happiness reflected onto her family
as well
.

In conclusion
,
women
shouldn’t concentrate on taking care of kids over their
careers
because
their nurturing abilities are what
helps
them in their
careers
and this in turn leads to a healthier atmosphere at home.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that earning a high salary is the most important thing about a job. Other people think that doing enjoyable work is more important, even if the job does not pay well. Which is more important to you: work that pays well or work that is en v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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