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Some people think that earning a high salary is the most important thing about a job. Other people think that doing enjoyable work is more important, even if the job does not pay well. Which is more important to you: work that pays well or work that is en v.2

Some people think that earning a high salary is the most important thing about a job. Other people think that doing enjoyable work is more important, even if the job does not pay well. Which is more important to you: work that pays well or work that is en v. 2
In recent times, there has been a widespread debate on what is the most important aspect in any job. While some people think that the work environment and happiness are the most significant part of any career, I hold the opposite view. I believe that today having a high salary is the most essential element in any job. To begin with, when individuals receive a high salary in their job, they will be more passionate and motivated to work hard. As everyone knows, money is the real motivation for most people around the world. Whenever someone has more money he/she will be encouraged to finish any tasks. For example, in 2002, Microsoft Company had an issue with employee’s productivity. At that time, the company did not make a huge profit because most employees were frustrated by the work environment. Therefore, they did not work hard; and most of the time they came late to the company. Then, the CEO of the company decided to increase the salary for all employees with 50%. It was a huge decision because it cost the company a lot of money. However, productivity at work increased dramatically. Everyone was motivated to finish his job on time and with an accurate method. As a result, in 2004, Microsoft company reached the peak profit and it became the first popular computer company in the world. Obviously, the salary made a huge motivation on employee’s performance. Adding to the previous point, when people have a high salary, they will live a convenient life. They can help their family to succeed in different life purposes. For instance, parents can help their children to get an excellent education by having that money. They can send them abroad and let them study in top universities around the world. Furthermore, people can build their own house when they receive a high salary. Also, they can enjoy their life by traveling and exploring the world nature. Indeed, individuals will get happiness and enjoy their life when they earn a high salary in their work. In conclusion, I encourage people to accept a job with a high salary. This is because they will be more motivated to work and they will live a convenient lifestyle.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, there has been a widespread debate on what is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment and happiness are the most significant part of any career, I hold the opposite view. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is the most essential element in any job.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when individuals receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they will be more passionate and motivated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. As everyone knows,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the real motivation for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
“Whenever” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whenever
someone has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he/she will
be encouraged
to finish any tasks.
For example
, in 2002, Microsoft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Company
had an issue with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
productivity. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
were frustrated
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment.
Therefore
, they did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
; and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they came late to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Then, the CEO of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
decided to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with 50%. It was a huge decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it cost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, productivity at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
increased
dramatically
. Everyone
was motivated
to finish his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and with an accurate method.
As a result
, in 2004, Microsoft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
reached the peak profit and it became the
first
popular computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Obviously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
made a huge motivation on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
performance.

Adding to the previous point, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their family to succeed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
purposes.
For instance
, parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an excellent education by having that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them abroad and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them study in top universities around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
when they receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
Also
, they can enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by traveling and exploring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
nature.
Indeed
, individuals will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
happiness and enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
when they earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
in their work.

In conclusion
, I encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to accept a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be more motivated to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a convenient lifestyle.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that earning a high salary is the most important thing about a job. Other people think that doing enjoyable work is more important, even if the job does not pay well. Which is more important to you: work that pays well or work that is en v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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