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Some people think that developments involving the Internet have brought people closer together while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that developments involving the Internet have brought people closer together while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. 1jgW
Some people think that developments involving the Internet have brought people closer together while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion. People's opinions differ as to whether or not people and their community are in isolation because of the web. While there are some strong arguments against that Internet has reduced the gap between people, I still believe that it is a necessary aspect of this developed century. There are several reasons why people might argue that the web has driven not only humans but also the society further apart due to its constant use. Firstly, there is evidence to support the idea that many become addicted to their gadgets, such as phones and laptops, where they either engage in a chat or online games, thus, ignoring their immediate environment and those around them. Secondly, many people would agree that there is a reduced social interaction and activity, which in turn, leads to lack of understanding, segregation and loneliness. Finally, it is recognized that our society is becoming more isolated because of the net. In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that, while the net has brought individuals close, it is yet to do so with the communities. The main benefit of the Internet is that you can search for your childhood friend on Facebook. In doing so, you may be able to reconnect, which would have been impossible without the web. Searching for the information about range of subjects and education in the Internet is also useful for students, for example. In my view, the net has bridged the gap between individuals. In conclusion, developments involving the Internet certainly has its drawbacks, but I believe that the benefits outweigh them in the long term. Ilhomjonova Parvina
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that developments involving the Internet have brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer together while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and communities have become more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's opinions differ
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their community are in isolation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the web. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strong arguments against that Internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I
still
believe that it is a necessary aspect of this developed century.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might argue that the web has driven not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the society
further
apart due to its constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Firstly
, there is evidence to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
become addicted to their gadgets, such as phones and laptops, where they either engage in a chat or online games,
thus
, ignoring their immediate environment and those around them.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
social interaction and activity, which in turn, leads to lack of understanding, segregation and loneliness.
Finally
, it
is recognized
that our society is becoming more isolated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the net.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the above arguments, I support the view that, while the net has brought individuals close, it is
yet
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with the communities. The main benefit of the Internet is that you can search for your childhood friend on Facebook. In doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, you may be able to reconnect, which would have been impossible without the web. Searching for the information about range of subjects and education
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
is
also
useful for students,
for example
. In my view, the net has bridged the gap between individuals.

In conclusion
, developments involving the Internet
certainly
has its drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that the benefits outweigh them in the long term.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ilhomjonova
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parvina
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IELTS essay Some people think that developments involving the Internet have brought people closer together while others think that people and communities have become more isolated.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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