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Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose. 2
Some think that dangerous sporting activities should be legalized, whilst others say it should be a personal choice. Although extreme sports might have some negative impacts on health, I believe it should leave on the people with proper rules and regulations. On the one hand, hazardous sports like Bungee Jumping, Scuba Diving, Rock Climbing may cause injury and the effect could be debilitating. People hurt themselves by breaking their shoulder, bone marrow, hands and legs while participating such activities. There was a survey of New York State hospital's emergency department for injured people and in most cases the reason for the injury is reckless motor racing in a friendly or competitive environments. However, due to this health issue, it is not justified to ban these sports because the forbidden fruits are always sweeter and people will join in the hidden places. On the other hand, dangerous sports are fun and recreational activities for some people and it reduces their boredom. Sometimes individuals realize the value of life when they are at the edge of it. For example, American air driving centre asked the reason on their application form to their participants and most of them answered that it is for fun and they get energized by doing such things. I believe, it is best for everyone to make some legal rules and give power to some organizations for training and certify the sporting centres and monitor their activities. In conclusion, while banning life taking sports will create underground events, it is better to make it legal using proper regulations because people love to do such thing for fun and test their abilities. It is recommended that in the future governments will create law for the extremely dangerous sports.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
sporting activities should
be legalized
, whilst others say it should be a personal choice. Although extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on health, I believe it should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations.

On the one hand, hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like Bungee Jumping, Scuba Diving, Rock Climbing may cause injury and the effect could be debilitating.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
hurt themselves by breaking their shoulder, bone marrow, hands and legs while participating such activities. There was a survey of New York State hospital's emergency department for injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
in most cases
the reason for the injury is reckless motor racing in a friendly or competitive environments.
However
, due to this health issue, it is not justified to ban these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the forbidden fruits are always sweeter and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in the hidden places.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are fun and recreational activities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their boredom.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
individuals realize the value of life when they are at the edge of it.
For example
, American air driving
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
asked the reason on their application form to their participants and most of them answered that it is for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fun and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
energized by doing such things. I believe, it is best for everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
legal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and give power to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organizations for training and certify the sporting
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and monitor their activities.

In conclusion
, while banning life taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will create underground
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it legal using proper regulations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do such thing for fun and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
their abilities. It
is recommended
that in the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will create law for the
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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