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Some people think that dangerous extreme sports such as rock climbing and sky-diving should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people think that dangerous extreme sports such as rock climbing and sky-diving should be banned. with this view? nBa2
There are polar views regarding the prohibition of extreme sports due to its fatal impacts on people’s lives: whereas a number of people claim that extreme sports such as rock climbing and skydiving should be banned, others oppose this considering that these sports are fun and protective measures can be undertaken to avoid its consequences. As for my opinion, I mostly agree with the latter ones. I acknowledge that there are potentials risks of death and injuries for those who go for extreme sports. Take for example one of the most popular extreme sports: skiing. In this sport, participants take the risk of brain injuries or other dangerous ramifications on their health which cannot be treated easily. For example, German driver, Michael Schumacher suffered brain injury in a skiing accident, and he could not be treated. Therefore, adherents of the view of prohibition of risky sports believe that people’s lives can be protected, if these extreme sports are banned. However, despite the above-mentioned concerns, I mostly hold the view that it should not be banned because of its fun and possibilities of avoiding the expected risks. Rock climbing and skydiving are one of the most entertaining sports, basically for those who love adrenaline. Moreover, people who want to rest their minds, these sports are helpful for them to find an entertainment by experiencing such extraordinary sports. Additionally, if proper precautions are taken, rock climbing and sky diving are relatively safe. Today, since technology improves day by day, there are special invented equipment that should be provided for protecting people from injuries. Another kind of precautions is that if participants are trained about particular skills that are needed for these sports, their lives will be in a safe. To conclude, despite understanding reasonable harms of dangerous sports, I mostly believe that these sports should not be forbidden due to its fun and actions that eliminate the potential risks of injuries and death.
There are polar views regarding the prohibition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
due to its fatal impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
: whereas a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as rock climbing and skydiving should
be banned
, others oppose this considering that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are fun and protective measures can be undertaken to avoid its consequences. As for my opinion, I
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter ones.

I acknowledge that there are potentials
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
of death and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
for those who go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Take
for example
one of the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
: skiing. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, participants take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
or other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
ramifications on their health which cannot
be treated
easily
.
For example
, German driver, Michael Schumacher suffered brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
in a skiing accident, and he could not
be treated
.
Therefore
, adherents of the view of prohibition of risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
can
be protected
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are banned
.

However
, despite the above-mentioned concerns, I
mostly
hold the view that it should not
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its fun and possibilities of avoiding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
. Rock climbing and skydiving are one of the most entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
basically
for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
adrenaline.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to rest their minds, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are helpful for them to find an entertainment by experiencing such extraordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Additionally
, if proper precautions
are taken
, rock climbing and
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
are
relatively
safe.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, since technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
day by day, there are special invented equipment that should
be provided
for protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
. Another kind of precautions is that if participants
are trained
about particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
are needed
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will be in a safe.

To conclude
, despite understanding reasonable harms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I
mostly
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be forbidden
due to its fun and actions that eliminate the potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
and death.
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IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous extreme sports such as rock climbing and sky-diving should be banned. with this view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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