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Some people think that computer games are bad for children, while others believe that they are useful. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of computer games and give your opinion. v.5

Some people think that computer games are bad for children, while others believe that they are useful. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of computer games and give your opinion. v. 5
Some would argue that online games are not good for kids, while others would say that it can be advantageous. While online games can improve language skills for children, I believe that it can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. On the one hand, Computer games can teach a younger one a second language from a very early age. In other words, when a child plays games with other individuals from a different country, they can learn a second language in an authentic context. This learning would be much more enjoyable compared with educational institutes as children learn faster when they enjoy it. As a result, they automatically develop a skill unknowingly which might be used as an extra skill later in life. For example, my brother developed his English language skills by playing Counter-Strike online and for that, he becomes successful in his workplace as he effectively communicated with foreign buyers. On the other hand, Internet games can force a kid to lead an unhealthy life. The addiction to this kind of game is so strong that some kids continue playing them for an extended period without even participating in any other activity. As a result, they lose interest to do any physical activity which leads them to gain weight. Eventually, they gain fat and develop different weight-related diseases such as breathing problems and others. For instance, according to WHO, 90 percent of urban children are suffering from obesity as they are not interested in outdoor games, which implies the dangerous side of video games. In conclusion, while games can prepare a kid for a future career with an extra skill set, I consider that it can ruin their health and cause them major harm.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, while others would say that it can be advantageous. While online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for children, I believe that it can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle.

On the one hand, Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can teach a younger one a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, when a child plays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country, they can learn a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in an authentic context. This learning would be much more enjoyable compared with educational institutes as children learn faster when they enjoy it.
As a result
, they
automatically
develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
unknowingly
which might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
later in life.
For example
, my brother developed his English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by playing Counter-Strike online and for that, he becomes successful in his workplace as he
effectively
communicated with foreign buyers.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can force a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
to lead an unhealthy life. The addiction to this kind of game is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strong that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
continue playing them for an extended period without even participating in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activity.
As a result
, they lose interest to do any physical activity which leads them to gain weight.
Eventually
, they gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
weight-related diseases such as breathing problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
For instance
, according to
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
, 90 percent of urban children are suffering from obesity as they are not interested in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which implies the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
side of video games.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can prepare a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
for a future career with an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set, I consider that it can ruin their health and cause them major harm.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that computer games are bad for children, while others believe that they are useful. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of computer games and give your opinion. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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