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Some people think that cities are best place . And , other say that rural areas.Discuss advantageous and disadvantages..

Some people think that cities are best place. And, other say that rural areas. Discuss advantageous and disadvantages. . Do1Yo
Some people think that tows are the best place to live. However, other say that county-side is the better place. There are many pros and cons from this. I will discuss both the views in my upcoming paragraphs To begin with, there are some good impacts of cities. Predominately, nowadays few people want to live in big cities. Because, in cities they can easily achieve all facilities, which they want. Such as, education, medical, jobs and so on. That’s mean, if people live in towns then they can easily achieve good study and also do good job. After that, they can make their bright future. As well as, they may also achieve good status in their societies. For example, my friend, who lives in city and she do job in big company. Even than, she keep the high salary. Thus, this is god effect if masses live in towns. Probing ahead, Why rural areas are better as compared to cities. Firstly, in cities the environment is so natural. Since, there are no problems of traffic. Because, traffic creates the bad situation for us. Like, By traffic creates so many accidents on roads. Furthermore, there are some creates the harmful hassles also. Such as, heart problems, skin allergies and so on. Moreover, in towns people often busy in their jobs. So, that’s reason they can get in depression. While, in villages individuals spent time with their families. Therefore, country side is best place to live. To recapitulate, although, there have been numerous people live in cities and rural areas. And, this is positive and negative impacts. But, in my opinion opinion, government should that they organize some good facilities in both sides. By, this work people may easily live same places.
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Some
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people
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think
that tows are the best
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place
to
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live
.
However
, other say that county-side is the better
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place
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros and cons from this. I will discuss both the views in my upcoming paragraphs

To
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begin
with, there are
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some
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good
impacts of
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cities
.
Predominately
, nowadays few
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people
want to
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live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
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cities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, in
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cities
they can
easily
achieve all facilities, which they want. Such as, education, medical,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. That’s mean, if
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people
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live
in towns then they can
easily
achieve
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good
study and
also
do
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good
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job
. After that, they can
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make
their bright future.
As well
as, they may
also
achieve
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good
status in their societies.
For example
, my friend, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
city and
she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
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job
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Use "evener" to make a comparison with this adjective.
Even
than, she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "keeps", "kept".
keep
the high salary.
Thus
, this is god effect if masses
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live
in towns.

Probing ahead, Why rural areas are better
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to
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cities
.
Firstly
, in
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cities
the environment is
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so
natural.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
, there are no problems of traffic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, traffic creates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation for us. Like, By traffic creates
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so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accidents on roads.
Furthermore
, there are
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some
creates the harmful hassles
also
. Such as, heart problems, skin allergies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
, in towns
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people
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often
busy in their
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jobs
.
“So , that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, that
’s reason they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in depression.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, in villages individuals spent time with their families.
Therefore
, country side
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
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place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

To recapitulate, although, there have been numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and rural areas. And, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my
Possible typo: you repeated a word
opinion opinion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should that they organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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good
facilities in both sides. By, this work
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people
may
easily
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live
same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that cities are best place. And, other say that rural areas. Discuss advantageous and disadvantages. .

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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