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should parents decide how teenager spend their free time

should parents decide how teenager spend their free time KyAV9
My opinion, parents should decide for teenagers spend their free time sensibly. right balance between learning and playing. First, young people can play thirty minutes in their free time after school is finished. during work breaks, teens can play sports such as basketball, football, badminton and so on. have few friends, free time is not known, then on facebook all day. it's a waste of time. Second, young people can read books to develop the brain and thinking ability. Third, young people can help their parents with housework in your spare time, or go charity with her parents. Fourth, parents should provide for youth participation in social activities so that they are more confident and make friends. for this reason, parents should let teens participate in activities or play in their free time and do not create pressure for teens.
My opinion,
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parents
should decide for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend their
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free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sensibly
.
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right
balance between learning and playing.
First
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can play thirty minutes in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after school
is finished
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
during
work breaks, teens can play sports such as basketball, football, badminton and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. have few friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not known, then on
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
all day.
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it
's a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Second, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can read books to develop the brain and thinking ability. Third, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with housework in your spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, or go charity with her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Fourth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should provide for youth participation in social activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are more confident and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
this reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
teens participate in activities or play in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and do not create pressure for teens.
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IELTS essay should parents decide how teenager spend their free time

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
140 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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