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Some people think that children under 18 should receive full-time education

Some people think that children under 18 should receive full-time education mWJPN
In the recent years, the awareness of education has been emerging and spreading across the world. Thus, some people argue that full-time education should be available for those under 18-year-old. I completely agree that full-time education is essential for children under the age of 18. Firstly, education is important because it provides knowledge and skills required for students who have planned to enrol in further education. From elementary school to tertiary school, the curricula are designed to prepare students for the future as well as the real world situation. Therefore, it is mandatory for children to concentrate on practising their practical skills and cognitive skills during their formal education. In addition, teenage years are the most crucial stage of life, where children will develop their desire and interest. Hence, teenagers must receive the appropriate education before attending university. Accordingly, while receiving their education, it is best to not let their focus wander around and, eventually, deter. In regard to this, there are still some students who neglect this and choose to become part-time students, possibly, due to some financial issues. In other words, part-time students need to concentrate on both essential parts of life, resulting in a decrease of students’ performances in school, which could then destroy their initial purpose — education investment. Thus, it is equally important for the student to focus on their study and have clear purposes while pursuing their education. In conclusion, I believe that students should engage in their learning activities and keep their focus before they finally enrol in post-secondary education. In other words, full-time education is the option for students throughout their formal education— primary and secondary education.
In the recent years, the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has been emerging and spreading across the world.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be available for those under 18-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential for children under the age of 18.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have planned to enrol in
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. From elementary school to tertiary school, the curricula
are designed
to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for the future
as well
as the real world situation.
Therefore
, it is mandatory for children to concentrate on
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
their practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
during their formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
In addition
, teenage years are the most crucial stage of life, where children will develop their desire and interest.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
receive the appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending university.

Accordingly
, while receiving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it is best to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their focus wander around and,
eventually
, deter. In regard to this, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who neglect this and choose to become part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
possibly
, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial issues.
In other words
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to concentrate on both essential parts of life, resulting in a decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
performances in school, which could then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their initial purpose —
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
investment.
Thus
, it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to focus on their study and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
purposes while pursuing their education.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should engage in their learning activities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
finally
enrol in post-secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
In other words
, full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
throughout their formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education—
primary and secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that children under 18 should receive full-time education

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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