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improve public health in by increasing the number of sport facilities

improve public health in by increasing the number of sport facilities PgOpK
The majority of people in the World believe that they should exercise every morning or participate in a sports club to train to help improve public health. However, others disagree and they think playing sports is just a waste of time and money. It is a little influence and I should find out different ways to practise. On the one hand, playing sports is the most popular method to keep fit and healthy. That method has occurred for decades. Most people join sports clubs to play their favorite sport like football, badminton, basketball with their partner in their freetime. They think that if they play sports, they will sweat and reduce calories in their body. It supports their health better than and always stays in shape, especially young people today. In addition, playing sports after they finish work in their companies, which significantly decline stresses and helps them feel relax, comfortable. When they are stressed by a lot of work, they should play sports for about 30 minutes with their family. This measure reduces the family gap between older members and young members. On the other hand, some people are against the method of playing sports to protect public health. They reckon that playing this sport is just a waste amount of time and money. For example, if they want to participate in a sports club, they have to pay a fee. It has occurred for a long time, but does not have any possible effects like thinner or muscle gain. Furthermore, some people think that they should read books at home that helps them expand their knowledge and spend more time playing with their children or supporting their wife instead of playing sports with their friends. In conclusion, in my viewpoint, I always choose to play sports to improve my health and it also helps me reduce stress and is good for my mental health. Playing sports is always the best measure for everyone to improve public health.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the World believe that they should exercise every morning or participate in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club to train to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, others
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disagree and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
influence and I should find out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is the most popular method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and healthy. That method has occurred for decades. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
like football, badminton, basketball with their partner in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
freetime
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they will
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
sweat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
calories in their body. It supports their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
better than and always stays in shape,
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
after they finish work in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which
significantly
decline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them feel relax, comfortable. When they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for about 30 minutes with their family. This measure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the family gap between older members and young members.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against the method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to protect public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. They reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money.
For example
, if they want to participate in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a fee. It has occurred for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
does not have any possible effects like thinner or muscle gain.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should read books at home that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them expand their knowledge and spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with their children or supporting their wife
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with their friends.

In conclusion
, in my viewpoint, I always choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for my mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is always the best measure for everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
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IELTS essay improve public health in by increasing the number of sport facilities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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