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in some countries today,the average weight of people is increasing.what can be done to tacle this problem?

in some countries today, the average weight of people is increasing. what can be done to tacle this problem? 25LqJ
Nowadays, in many countries, obesity is dramatically increasing among all the people due to several reasons such as, consuming fast food, lack of exercise, disease like-thyroid and much more thing. Thus, these problem scan be solved in various ways. In todays's scenario, youngsters are consuming fast food too much which leads them to being over weighted. So, government should strictly restrict the fast food. Moreover, due to high competition in society and studies as well youngsters do not go out of their home for the whole day, and due to lack of physical exercise they get obese. So, parents and society should organise some campaign or activities for them. So, that they can stay fit. Although, Disease like thyroid makes an individual over weighted. So, people should attend medical or yoga camp to get releive from this problem. Nevertheless, schools should add some vocational subjects in a schedule. So, that except studies they can gain knowledge about healthier lifestyle in physical education period. Moreover, in school's canteen, schools should prohibit junk food. So that students can consume the food which they bring from home. On the other hand, society should organise some play or weekend activities for the males and females. So, that they can be stressed free from their work and can freely join the activites to stay fit. In conclusion, in present days, average weight of people is dramatically increasing due to several problems. Thus, government, societies and parents play vital role to tackle this problems.
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, obesity is
dramatically
increasing among all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to several reasons such as, consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, lack of exercise, disease like-thyroid and much more thing.
Thus
,
Did you mean "this problem" or "these problems"?
these problem
scan
be solved
in various ways.

In
Did you mean "today's" or "todays'"?
todays's
scenario, youngsters are consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
too much which leads them to being over weighted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
strictly
restrict the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to high competition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and studies
as well
youngsters do not go out of their home for the whole day, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of physical exercise they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obese.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
campaign or activities for them.
“So , that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, that
they can stay fit.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, Disease like thyroid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual over weighted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should attend medical or yoga camp to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
releive
from this problem.

Nevertheless
, schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vocational subjects in a schedule.
“So , that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, that
except studies they can gain knowledge about healthier lifestyle in physical education period.
Moreover
, in school's canteen, schools should prohibit junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
students can consume the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which they bring from home.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
play or weekend activities for the males and females.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, that they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
free from their work and can
freely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
to stay fit.

In conclusion
, in present days, average weight of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
dramatically
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to several problems.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and parents play vital role to tackle
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems.
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IELTS essay in some countries today, the average weight of people is increasing. what can be done to tacle this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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