Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that children should start school sooner while others believe they should not start it before the age of seven Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people think that children should start school sooner while others believe they should not start it before the age of seven 1
Nowadays, due to advancement in technology people have invented new instruments and made our life more easy and sophisticated. One such device is a cell phone, which is widely used for communication purposes. I quite disagree with the people who state that the smart phones are demolishing real human interaction due to several reasons. Hence, I am going to substantiate my views with relevant examples. Admittedly, in the modern era, most of the youngsters use this mobiles mainly to communicate with family members and peers for urgent circumstances. However, despite of its benefits, the youth have addicted to this advanced attractive gadget and spend their almost all the time by accessing social media networks such as Facebook and WhatsApp. Consequently, it deteriorates the significant relationship with parents as well as their friends. For an instance, a child may come home after school and spend his precious time with the smart phone without communicating with family and alleviate the essential interaction with peers by not participating in outdoor leisure hour activities. Eventually this situation ended up with destroying real family and social bonding. To make things worse the innocent youth may fall prey into serious child abuses and anti- social activities such as chatting with strangers and viewing absurd videos. This is an alarming situation. On the other hand, it is indeed common that every person keep a cell phone and Access the latest technology to derive any worldwide information, enjoy entertainment at their fingertips. Due this scenario, many individuals does not allocate their time to social interactions even with their spouse, or neighbours. This leads to diminishing and destroy real sociable life of mankind. For an instance a recent research done in Sri Lanka showed that the divorce rate of young couples escalates due to this lack of personal bonding and communication, as a result of addiction to the smartphones. This example exhibits how real human relationships destroy by this sophisticated device. In conclusion, I strongly emphasize that mobile phones are truly important if people use them for essential purposes. However, it is inevitable that most of the persons loose the social interaction and relationship when they misuse or overuse this gadget. The day has come to do some soul-searching to identify the real purpose of a cell phone as well as utilize this to enhance the social relations among people.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to advancement in technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have invented new instruments and made our life more easy and sophisticated. One such device is a cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, which is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for communication purposes. I quite disagree with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who state that the smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are demolishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to several reasons.
Hence
, I am going to substantiate my views with relevant examples.

Admittedly
, in the modern era, most of the youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Did you mean "these"?
this
mobiles
mainly
to communicate with family members and peers for urgent circumstances.
However
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
its benefits, the youth have addicted to this advanced attractive gadget and spend their almost all the time by accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media networks such as Facebook and WhatsApp.
Consequently
, it deteriorates the significant relationship with parents
as well
as their friends. For an instance, a child may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home after school and spend his precious time with the smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
without communicating with family and alleviate the essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
with peers by not participating in outdoor leisure hour activities.
Eventually
this situation ended up with destroying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonding. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things worse the innocent youth may fall prey into serious child abuses and anti-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities such as chatting with strangers and viewing absurd videos. This is an alarming situation.

On the other hand
, it is
indeed
common that every person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and Access the latest technology to derive any worldwide information, enjoy entertainment at their fingertips.
Did you mean to use the verb "do"?
Due
this scenario,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals does not allocate their time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
even with their spouse, or
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. This leads to diminishing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
sociable life of mankind. For an instance a recent research done in Sri Lanka
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the divorce rate of young couples escalates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this lack of personal bonding and communication,
as a result
of addiction to the smartphones. This example exhibits how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
human relationships
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
by this sophisticated device.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
emphasize that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
truly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for essential purposes.
However
, it is inevitable that most of the persons loose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
and relationship when they misuse or overuse this gadget. The day has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soul-searching to identify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
purpose of a cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
as well
as utilize this to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relations among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should start school sooner while others believe they should not start it before the age of seven 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts