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In some countries it is illegal for employers to reject job applications on the basis of age criteria Is it a positive or negative development Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience v.1

In some countries it is illegal for employers to reject job applications on the basis of age criteria Is it a positive or negative development 1
Nowadays, it is quite common that rich countries are becoming richer than compare to poor countries which are significant getting poorer. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons why this is happening and propose some solutions to them. To begin with, developed countries are getting rich because of their high literacy rate. This happens when the government offers a flexible education system to the citizens, Which in the long run helps the nation to develop. For instance, Australia offers free education to its citizens which not only attracts most of the people towards studies, but also turns them out into highly skilled professionals. This is an issue in developing countries. To solve this problem, If such countries invest more in their education, welfare, then this can make their citizens well-educated. As a result, poor countries can have more expertise to reach the level of developed countries. Another reason for this issue is zero-tolerating corruption. This is due to when government officials impose strict laws against corruption, Which maintains the stability of the countries' economies. For example, Japan has a consistent economy for two decades because it had implemented tougher laws against bribery. This is a concern in poor nations. To tackle this issue, If they focus on uncompromising rules on citizens, It will have a better impact on its financial position. Therefore, if these measures are taken, then they have a better chance to be in a list of developed countries. In conclusion, Although poor countries face a variety of problems, such as low literacy rates and corruption, these issues are not insurmountable. In my view, it is the poor nations’ government responsibility to tackle these problems and they should begin by considering some of the solutions suggested above.
Nowadays, it is quite common that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are becoming richer than compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are significant getting poorer. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons why this is happening and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are getting rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their high literacy rate. This happens when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
offers a flexible education system to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, Which in the long run
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the nation to develop.
For instance
, Australia offers free education to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
attracts most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
turns them out into
highly
skilled professionals. This is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To solve this problem, If such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
invest more in their education, welfare, then this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
well-educated.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can have more expertise to reach the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

Another reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is zero-tolerating corruption. This is due to when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials impose strict laws against corruption, Which maintains the stability of the countries' economies.
For example
, Japan has a consistent economy for two decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it had implemented tougher laws against bribery. This is a concern in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
nations. To tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, If they focus on uncompromising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, It will have a better impact on its financial position.
Therefore
, if these measures
are taken
, then they have a better chance to be in a list of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

In conclusion
, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
face a variety of problems, such as low literacy rates and corruption, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
are not insurmountable. In my view, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
nations’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
responsibility to tackle these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by considering
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
solutions suggested above.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is illegal for employers to reject job applications on the basis of age criteria Is it a positive or negative development 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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