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Some people think that children should spend their time at school on summer holiday to learn new skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that children should spend their time at school on summer holiday to learn new skills. yPR2r
It goes without saying in this sophisticated and progressive ear in which are living, school plays an important part in every student's life. There has always been a controversy among people whether students should participate in the summer classes or not and the regular seasons are enough for gaining skills. As far as I am concemed, I hold the opinion that students should enjoy their summer holidays and relax in their homes. The reasons to substantiate my viewpoint are elaborated upon hereunder. The first exquisite point to be mentioned is that children are facing a lot of stresses at school during other seasons. It is crystal clear that like the other people, students need some time for relaxation and summer is the best time for releasing the school's stress and having a refresh. What is more, having too much pressure on a child can create a negative feeling about school in their minds and may even this feeling reach to hating and affects the student's performance in the school. A personal experience of mine can drive this fact home. When my brother was in high school, during the year he didn't have any leisure time and he couldn't even spend time with his family and kelatives. So, he started to hate the high school and he changed it just because he had to participate in the summer classes too! The second equally significant reason which is worth mentioning is that summer classes in the schools are a kind of wasting time. It is usually a platform for the school owners to be able to carn more money and get more tuition from the student's family. They only care about their income and as a result, students should participate in bad-scheduled and non-purpose classes in the summer. For instance, although every year in Iran a lot of students leam about cars and roboties in summer schools, in the end, none of them can even remember one word from that lesson. This fact has happened based on a lack of existing a good plan for students. In conclusion, having the aforementioned reasons and examples into account, I do believe that students must rest in the summer instead of spending time at school. This is because they face a lot of pressure in the year and they need a specifie time for relaxation and also the quality of the summer classes is very low.
It goes without saying in this sophisticated and progressive ear in which are living,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in every student's life. There has always been a controversy among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
or not and the regular seasons are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for gaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As far as I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
concemed
, I hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
holidays and relax in their homes. The reasons to substantiate my viewpoint
are elaborated
upon hereunder. The
first
exquisite point to
be mentioned
is that children are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
during other seasons. It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that like the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for releasing the school's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and having a refresh.
What is more
, having too much pressure on a child can create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feeling about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in their minds and may even this feeling reach to hating and affects the student's performance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. A personal experience of mine can drive this fact home. When my brother was in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, during the year he didn't have any leisure
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
he couldn't even spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with his family and
Possible spelling mistake found.
kelatives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to hate the high
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had to participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
too! The second
equally
significant reason which is worth mentioning is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are a kind of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is
usually
a platform for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
owners to be able to
Possible spelling mistake found.
carn
more money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more tuition from the student's family. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
care about their income and
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should participate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
-scheduled and non-purpose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
.
For instance
, although every year in Iran
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake found.
leam
about cars and
Possible spelling mistake found.
roboties
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, none of them can even remember one word from that lesson. This fact has happened based on a lack of existing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
plan for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In conclusion
, having the aforementioned reasons and examples into account, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
rest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
year and
they need a
Possible spelling mistake found.
specifie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxation and
also
the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low.
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If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that children should spend their time at school on summer holiday to learn new skills.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
401 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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