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Children's mode of transportation to school

Children's mode of transportation to school mWbkN
Modes of transportation has changed a lot in the span of two decades from 1990 to 2010. According to a survey on children aged 5-12 years old, there is a drop in the usage of public transport by nearly by 28 percent. The number of children walking to the school for the entire journey has now dropped by more than half of what it used to be two decades ago. If we compare the combined usage of walking and bus usage as a means to travel to the school, the trips have decreased just by about half. The trips which included children who used to cycle their way to the school, has dropped by nearly a third. All this statistics can be simplified if we consider the number of trips made by the cars, which have a significant increase of about 140 percent. Urbanisation and increase in average national wages has brought about a big change in the trends of transportation. People struggled to make much money 20 years back, and thus, opted to walk, cycle or used public transportation. But, more people are now making enough money to afford a faster and safer mode of transportation for their children, and hence, either drive their children to their school or hire a personal driver to drop the kids at school.
Modes of
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transportation
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot in the span of two decades from 1990 to 2010. According to a survey on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged 5-12 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, there is a drop in the usage of public transport by
nearly
by 28 percent. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
walking to the
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school
for the entire journey has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
dropped by more than half of what it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be two decades ago. If we compare the combined usage of walking and bus usage as a means to travel to the
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school
, the trips have decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by about half. The trips which included
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children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cycle their way to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, has dropped by
nearly
a third. All this statistics can
be simplified
if we consider the number of trips made by the cars, which have a significant increase of about 140 percent.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Urbanisation' is British English.
Urbanisation
and increase in average national wages has brought about a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the trends of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
struggled to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much money 20 years back, and
thus
, opted to walk, cycle or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to afford a faster and safer mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
hence
, either drive their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or hire a personal driver to drop the kids at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
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IELTS essay Children's mode of transportation to school

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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