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Future of standard of health

Future of standard of health QV2N3
Health and fitness is a very relative topic which depends from person to person because these depends on a variety of factors. People have somehow managed to live more number of years than they used to live a century ago with the advances in medical science. But, does that mean people live a healthy life inspite of having a longer life span is debatable. People have switched to desk-based jobs and there are not very active throughout the day which leads to various diseases like obesity, anxiety, depression, etc. But people are now becoming aware of the pros and cons of living a healthy life and are now incorporating different diets and workout plans in their everyday life, but, that makes them healthy or not is still not clear, as, the food that we eat are mostly adulterated and fitness is mixed with bodybuilding, which causes more harm than helping us lead a healthy life. Another aspect is people's way of showing off their money and thier urge to eat various living things has led them to eat all kinds of animals, even those which can be fatal to the human body, once eaten. Some examples include eating bats, snakes, insects, octopuses, and all kinds of animal living on land. These activities causes spread of different diseases in humans and sometimes gives birth to mutations in already existing diseases which can lead to an epidemic. These infections or viruses can spread worldwide in short span of time and can mean the deaths of a large number of people who get in contact with these viruses. Latest example is the Corona Virus which has caused a large number of deaths already and continuing to do the same, and thus, bringing the whole advancement in medical science to no use. Human actions have always provoked nature into showing us all what would be the outcome if we continue to harm the environment and play Gods according to our interests. Thus, people may have almost eradicated major diseases and are continue their research to find new ways to make people disease free, but, there are still some of the diseases that medical science has no cure for and the new era is suffering because of the new diseases like diabetes mellitus. In future, all we can hope is that we humans learn from our actions because everything has a consequence and according to the present day, we may see a great decline in standard of health in 50 years from now.
Health and fitness is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
relative topic which depends from person to person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
The verb 'depends' is singular. Did you mean: "This depends" or "these depend"?
these depends
on a variety of factors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have somehow managed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more number of years than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a century ago with the advances in medical science.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, does that mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
of having a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span is debatable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have switched to desk-based jobs and there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active throughout the day which leads to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like obesity, anxiety, depression, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
becoming aware of the pros and cons of living a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
incorporating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diets and workout plans in their everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
or not is
still
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, as, the food that we eat are
mostly
adulterated and fitness
is mixed
with bodybuilding, which causes more harm than helping us lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life.

Another aspect is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's way of showing off their money and
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
urge to eat various living things has led them to eat all kinds of animals, even those which can be fatal to the human body, once eaten.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
examples include eating bats, snakes, insects, octopuses, and all kinds of animal living on land. These activities
You should probably use "cause".
causes
spread of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
in humans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
gives birth to mutations in already existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which can lead to an epidemic. These infections or viruses can spread worldwide in short span of time and can mean the deaths of
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in contact with these viruses.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Latest".
Latest
example is the
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona Virus
which has caused
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
deaths already and continuing to do the same, and
thus
, bringing the whole advancement in medical science to no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Human actions have always provoked nature into showing us all what would be the outcome if we continue to harm the environment and play Gods according to our interests.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have almost eradicated major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and are
Consider using a past participle here: "continued".
continue
their research to find new ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
free,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, there are
still
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that medical science has no cure for and the new era is suffering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like diabetes mellitus.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, all we can hope is that we humans learn from our actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everything has a consequence and according to the present day, we may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a great decline in standard of health in 50 years from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
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IELTS essay Future of standard of health

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
418 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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