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Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? le7EK
In today's society, as health care are improving thus leading to a better life expend ency resulting in that the elderly people will be taken care. As the number of elder people have increase in the economy, the usage of healthcare system and timely visit of aged people also increase, thus leading to bringing a self awareness among us to bring up new hospital and facility in order to take care for such requirement. The government will bring up with new initiative to provide insurance on their behalf for such people as there was a time when these mature people were also productive and self sufficient which helped in the uplifting of the economy to what it is today. Today society is built on these people foundation and it is a must that the government also give back to such people when the time comes. Government can provide such scheme for people from a young age by taking a part of their salary. Yes this may lead to shortfall for an individual to self-support him/her self but nevertheless, the government would have the necessary fund to provide the needful when required. It comes down to an individual also, whether he/she is willing enough to support their elderly loved one or even stand in time of need for those who are helpless. In conclusion, society today be going to foresee and plan accordingly to take care of the elderly on the contrary nevertheless a person makes his own path, thus it is a question of whether he/she will be taken care by someone or their loved one or would that elderly person stand for themselves self sufficient.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society, as health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
are improving
thus
leading to a better life expend ency resulting in that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be taken
care.

As the number of elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have increase in the economy, the usage of healthcare system and timely visit of aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
increase,
thus
leading to bringing a self awareness among us to bring up new hospital and facility in order to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for such requirement.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will bring up with new initiative to provide insurance on their behalf for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as there was a time when these mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
also
productive and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in the uplifting of the economy to what it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
society
is built
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
foundation and it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
give back to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when the time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can provide such scheme for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from a young age by taking a part of their salary.

Yes this may lead to shortfall for an individual to self-support him/her self
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would have the necessary fund to provide the needful when required.

It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
down to an individual
also
, whether he/she is willing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one or even stand in time of need for those who are helpless.

In conclusion
, society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
be going to foresee and plan
accordingly
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
on the contrary
nevertheless
a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
path,
thus
it is a question of whether he/she will
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
by someone or their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one or would that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
person stand for themselves
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
.
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IELTS essay Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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