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Some people think that children should obey rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do, but others think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems well by themselves. v.2

Some people think that children should obey rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do, but others think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems well by themselves. v. 2
Parenting and guiding children for their better future are quite complex tasks and people have different opinions on parenting styles. Some opine that children should always obey the rules imposed by the parents and should follow teachers’ instructions. On the contrary, another group of thought says that children should be given some freedom and too much stringency from parents and teachers could actually ruin their life. This essay delves with the both viewpoints and finally express my own opinion. On one hand, parents and teachers usually set some rules for the children and they expect the children to follow these rules. In most of the cases, parents and teachers set rules that are helpful and beneficial for the children. For instance, I can recall that my mother always expected us to wash our hands before eating any food. Sometimes we felt quite bored to follow this instruction. However, we now know that it was quite a good habit that our mother instilled in us. Similarly, there are many other rules that our parents wanted us to obey only because they were good rules and we, as children, had little idea about the negative consequences of disobeying them. Another example is the time when I wanted to watch cartoons on TV in the evening but my parents wanted me to go out and play some sorts of sports with other kids. At that time it was quite an abhorrent activity for me but now I can realise how this rule has actually helped me to have a sound health. Thus not all rules set by parents and teachers are meant to dominate the children but to actually help them grow properly. On the contrary, it is quite hard to believe but actually true that many parents ruin their children’s life by being overprotective and being abusive. If a father beat a child for silly reasons and a mother constantly follows and investigates what her teenage child is doing, that will surely have a negative consequence. Children who are always pressurised by rules and regulations from their family members often end up being timid and hesitant. They lack many important characteristics in their adult life and psychologists often attribute criminal activities due to abusing parents and teachers in childhood. Furthermore, if some sorts of freedom are not given to the children they often cannot expose their true potential in life. Again, severe punishment from parents and teachers can harm children’s ingenuity and can turn them into an immoral person. Considering both of the views I personally think that parenting is a complex task and it determines the future of a child. Thus parents and teachers should not be too much rigid about rules and regulations as it would diminish children’s creativity, respect and potential. On the other hand, some beneficial rules should be there as children often fail to understand the importance of discipline, value of time and hygiene. Wise parents and teachers know the type of rules they should impose to the children and what they should be flexible about.   Teachers and parents should be friendly to a child in most of the time and in some cases should be strict for the betterment of the child.
Parenting and guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their better future are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
complex tasks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions on parenting styles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opine that
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children
should always obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
imposed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and should
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follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
instructions.
On the contrary
, another group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
freedom and too much stringency from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
could actually ruin their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This essay delves with the both viewpoints and
finally
express my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On one hand,
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parents
and
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teachers
usually
set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the
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children
to
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follow
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. In most of the cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that are helpful and beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, I can recall that my mother always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
us to wash our hands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
eating any food.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we felt
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quite
bored to
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follow
this instruction.
However
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
know that it was
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quite
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit that our mother instilled in us.
Similarly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
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rules
that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wanted us to obey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rules and
we, as
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children
, had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of disobeying them. Another example is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when I wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoons on TV in the evening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wanted me to go out and play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorts of sports with other kids. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
an abhorrent activity for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I can
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
has actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to have a sound health.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
set by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are meant
to dominate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them grow
properly
.

On the contrary
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
actually true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ruin their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by being overprotective and being abusive. If a father beat a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
for silly reasons and a mother
constantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follows
and investigates what her teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is doing, that will
surely
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who are always
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations from their family members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being timid and hesitant. They lack
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
characteristics in their adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and psychologists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
attribute criminal activities due to abusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in childhood.
Furthermore
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorts of freedom are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
cannot expose their true potential in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Again, severe punishment from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
ingenuity and can turn them into an immoral person.

Considering both of the views I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that parenting is a complex task and it determines the future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should not be too much rigid about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulations as it would diminish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity, respect and potential.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
should be there as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
fail to understand the importance of discipline, value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and hygiene. Wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
know the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
they should impose to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and what they should be flexible about.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be friendly to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases should be strict for the betterment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
76Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should obey rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do, but others think that children controlled too much cannot deal with problems well by themselves. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
537 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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