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Some people think that children should learn the food but other think that instead of fodod they need to focus on others subject

Some people think that children should learn the food but other think that instead of fodod they need to focus on others subject eEqGJ
Certain individuals are of the belief that majority of time in school should be spent in learning crucial subjects in order to have a successful profession in future. The key reason attributed to the fact is that the current educational system is purely based on grades. On the other hand, some proportion of the society believes that schools should focus on teaching the scientific aspects of food and their preparation methods as part of their curriculum because it contributes to maintaining a healthy society. Therefore, I am of the view that schools should include scientific aspects of different food as part of their Syllabus. Learning important modules is essential for leading a successful life when they enter the community. At present, the educational system is solely focused on good results and they need to obtain good standards in important subjects such as Mathematics, Science, etc. , in order to gain admission to renowned universities after completing secondary education. For example, famous universities in the world such as MIT, Cambridge, etc. , are expanding more opportunities for school-leavers who have finished their secondary education either from mathematics or science streams. As a result, students have no option but to study in those streams and obtain good grades. However, the writer does not agree with this view because learning food technology will help junior to live a healthy life in future. On the contrary, gaining knowledge about nutritional aspects of food contributes to a healthy society. This is due to the fact that people can apply this knowledge to carefully select and cook the food they eat, which enhances physical and mental well-being. Furthermore, students with cooking knowledge and skills can follow courses such as hospitality management that has a promising future. For instance, researchers found that children in schools that taught the nutritional aspects of food are more healthy and better having academic performance than their counterparts in other schools where no such syllabus was introduced. As a result, it will help those children to find a good career and live a healthy life. To conclude, the current educational system purely focuses on grades that children need to obtain good grades in mainstream subjects in order to gain admission to top-ranked universities. Therefore, schools should put more weight on mainstream subjects than other subjects. On the other hand, gaining knowledge about food technology will help children to live a healthy life and assuring promising careers when they enter society. In my opinion, learning about nutritional aspects of food and preparation methods are important for school children to live a healthy life in the future.
Certain individuals are of the belief that majority of time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should
be spent
in learning crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in order to have a successful profession
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. The key reason attributed to the fact is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
educational system is
purely
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should focus on teaching the scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and their preparation methods as part of their curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contributes to maintaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
, I am of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should include scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as part of their Syllabus.

Learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
modules is essential for leading a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
when they enter the community. At present, the educational system is
solely
focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
results and
they need to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
standards in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as Mathematics, Science, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
in order to gain admission to renowned universities after completing secondary education.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
universities in the world such as MIT, Cambridge, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
are expanding more opportunities for school-leavers who have finished their secondary education either from mathematics or science streams.
As a result
, students have no option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to study in those streams and obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
.
However
, the writer does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
technology will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
junior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

On the contrary
, gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about nutritional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contributes to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This is due to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can apply this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to
carefully
select and cook the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they eat, which enhances physical and mental well-being.
Furthermore
, students with cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can follow courses such as hospitality management that has a promising future.
For instance
, researchers found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that taught the nutritional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and better having academic performance than their counterparts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where no such syllabus
was introduced
.
As a result
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
educational system
purely
focuses on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
in mainstream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in order to gain admission to top-ranked universities.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should put more weight on mainstream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
technology will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and assuring promising careers when they enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In my opinion, learning about nutritional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and preparation methods are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the future.
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IELTS essay Some people think that children should learn the food but other think that instead of fodod they need to focus on others subject

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
433 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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