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Some people think that children should begin formal education at very early age. Other think they should begin after age of 7. Discuss both view with your opinion

Some people think that children should begin formal education at very early age. Other think they should begin after age of 7. Discuss both view with your opinion 0B8O1
Indeed, education plays and requisite role in everyone’s life. A few individuals deem that children should be joined formal education in early age of their life, while other denied and consider that they use to go in age of seven. It compels me to explain both the views in upcoming paragraphs before making a final conclusion. On the one hand, people argue that studies should be begin in age of three or four, there are innumerable reason behind this, the most ubiquitous and profuse fundamental cause for this is; They become familiar about education content in the initial stage of their life; As a consequence, it can make them them veteran person in their life, and they can not only achieve their goals in less period of time but also they would finish there studies very soon. For example, if children Start their education in age of six or seven, then the school education will complete in age of 21 or 23, whether this age is for graduation. On the other hand, there are few reasons to support the second belief to go school in age of seven or more. Firstly, it is paramount for pupils to play since 2 or 3 year old, they will have less time for playing if they utilise it on study. A research was undertaken by various aficionados of different countries they revealed, games are extremely crucial for physical; mental; social development of every child. Moreover they suggested that time ought to managed for children regarding play and study in order to protect them from mental illness and for proper growth. To conclude, I contemplate that despite playing is very beneficial and important for children for their growth and development, the age of schooling for children should be 3-4 years old not 7. Procreative should manage the time of their children regarding study and game both should be balanced for bright future of their child.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays and requisite role in everyone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A few individuals deem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, while other denied and consider that they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
go in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of seven. It compels me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both the views in upcoming paragraphs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a final conclusion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
should be
Consider using the past participle "begun"?
begin
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of three or four, there are innumerable reason behind this, the most ubiquitous and profuse fundamental cause for this is; They become familiar about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
content in the initial stage of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
; As a consequence, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible typo: you repeated a word
them them
veteran person in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieve their goals in less period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they would finish there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of six or seven, then the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will complete in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 21 or 23, whether this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is for graduation.

On the other hand
, there are few reasons to support the second belief to go school in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of seven or more.
Firstly
, it is paramount for pupils to play since 2 or 3 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they will have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing if they
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
it on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
was undertaken by various aficionados of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries they revealed, games are
extremely
crucial for physical; mental; social development of every child.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they suggested that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
ought to managed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regarding play and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in order to protect them from mental illness and for proper growth.

To conclude
, I contemplate that despite playing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their growth and development, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of schooling for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be 3-4 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
not 7. Procreative should manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and game both should
be balanced
for bright future of their child.
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IELTS essay Some people think that children should begin formal education at very early age. Other think they should begin after age of 7. Discuss both view with your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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