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More and more workers work overtime and did less exercise. What is your opinion? v.1

More and more workers work overtime and did less exercise. What is your opinion? v. 1
Nowadays, many employees are suffering from occupational diseases because they work overtime and have less time for exercising. Personally, I would like a balanced lifestyle to keep healthy. Due to the increasing cost of living, many individuals have to work longer or work for several different industries to make a living, which will occupy most of their time and make them feel exhausted. As a consequence, they may only want to relax and do nothing after work. In the long run, these workers may have some health problems, either mental or physical, such as stomach pain, cramps, and cervical spondylosis, even worse, they may have depression. The growing expenditure indeed causes more pressures and issues in our life. Given these health-related issues, we have to pay more attention to our perks. Although it may be difficult for someone who is exhausted after work to go for exercise, we can start with some gentle movement like to stand up for one minute after sitting in front of the computer for forty-five minutes. This activity can increase the circulation of your blood, making you refreshed. Besides, we can release our pressure by singing a song or slowing down the task. At home, we can move our legs up and down when lying on the bed or to intimate the movement of riding a bike. These moderate physical movement will ultimately improve our health. In conclusion, busier as we are getting, we can still try to find some methods for exercise and a balanced life. Only by doing so, can we maintain our well-being and happiness.
Nowadays,
many
employees are suffering from occupational diseases
because
they
work
overtime and have less time for exercising.
Personally
, I would like a balanced lifestyle to
keep
healthy.

Due to the increasing cost of living,
many
individuals
have to
work
longer or
work
for several
different
industries to
make
a living, which will occupy most of their time and
make
them feel exhausted. As a consequence, they may
only
want to relax and do nothing after
work
. In the long run, these workers may have
some
health problems, either mental or physical, such as stomach pain, cramps, and cervical spondylosis, even worse, they may have depression. The growing expenditure
indeed
causes more pressures and issues in our life.

Given
these health-related issues, we
have to
pay more attention to our perks. Although it may be difficult for someone who
is exhausted
after
work
to go for exercise, we can
start
with
some
gentle movement like to stand up for one minute after sitting in front of the computer for forty-five minutes. This activity can increase the circulation of your blood, making you refreshed.
Besides
, we can release our pressure by singing a song or slowing down the task. At home, we can
move
our legs up and down when lying on the bed or to intimate the movement of riding a bike. These moderate physical movement will
ultimately
improve
our health.

In conclusion
, busier as we are getting, we can
still
try to find
some
methods for exercise and a balanced life.
Only
by doing
so
, can we maintain our well-being and happiness.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more workers work overtime and did less exercise. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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