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Some People Think That Children Should Be Encouraged To Play Outdoor Games agree or disagree

Some People Think That Children Should Be Encouraged To Play Outdoor Games agree or disagree bElX6
Over the years there have been tremendous improvements in digital technologies that attract children to spend too much time playing online games. These days, most children are sitting glued to their screens all the time playing video games. Since this hurts their overall growth, some people argue that they should be encouraged to participate in group activities and outdoor games instead of sitting at the computer. I completely agree with this view…. To begin with, there are several benefits to getting involved in outdoor games. Firstly, it improves the blood circulation and thus helps to reduce the stress level. Secondly, group activities inculcate many qualities like team work in children and enhance their communication skills. Additionally, it promotes healthy living by reducing the chances of diseases. For instance, a country like the US has a vast majority of people who are tech savvy and hence their children end up spending much of their time playing online games and become victims of diseases like obesity which could have been avoided by inculcating the habit of physical activities in children. By contrast, online games are not beneficial for the overall development of children. One could argue that they enhance the cognitive abilities and reflexes of the children. However, this cannot be justified in the light of the issues that they cause. And these abilities could be improved by participating in games like football and basketball. To conclude, there are certain advantages to playing online games. However, this trend certainly has more disadvantages and hence parents must strive hard to encourage their children to indulge in physical activities which would improve their physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.
Over the years there have been tremendous improvements in digital technologies that attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend too much time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. These days, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are sitting glued to their screens all the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Since
Did you mean "these"?
this
hurts their
overall
growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that they should
be encouraged
to participate in group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of sitting at the computer. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view….

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several benefits to getting involved in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the blood circulation and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level.
Secondly
, group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
inculcate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
qualities like team work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and enhance their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Additionally
, it promotes healthy living by reducing the chances of diseases.
For instance
, a country like the US has a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
tech savvy
and
hence
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending much of their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and become victims of diseases like obesity which could have
been avoided
by inculcating the habit of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in children.

By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not beneficial for the
overall
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. One could argue that they enhance the cognitive abilities and reflexes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, this cannot
be justified
in the light of the issues that they cause. And these abilities could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like football and basketball.

To conclude
, there are certain advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
However
, this trend
certainly
has more disadvantages and
hence
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to indulge in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical, mental and emotional
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
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IELTS essay Some People Think That Children Should Be Encouraged To Play Outdoor Games agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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