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“Modern technology has increased our material wealth, but not our happiness.”

“Modern technology has increased our material wealth, but not our happiness. ” pLQNL
It is argued that present applied science has improve finance value creation, but it does not bring us the joy in life. There is no doubt that modern technology has great influence on how we control life. This article is to analyse and consider technology’ affection to human. On the one hand, new science helps a lot in developing standard of living. Firstly, developed economics bases on the increase in the number of factories. New technology is the origins to improve industry. Many companies and factories are built thanks to modern devices. Inside each factory, there are a lot of robots or machines so that people do not have to work much. Also, machinery help people have more productive goods without spending too much time and efforts. This effect leads to increased income as well as better products the companies receive. Secondly, worldwide economics is really common through Internet and other technology devices including new ways to communicate and build relasionship. This kind of market brings faster richness to a country by not only larger amount of goods but also foreign currency. A further benefit of modern devices is the convenience in transporting with a lot of vehicles which is one of the main factors of developing speed. On the other hand, there are also some disadvantages of modern life. First of all, electronic devices create a virtual world which is so amazing and addictive to the young. Consequently, they get addicted to and become more dependent on online communication and entertainment. People today, especially adolescent spend too much time in front of the screen and forget the outside-world. It is absolutely harmful for society because we can not find the joy in relationship. Next, industrialization will be controlled to do everything so that human can be lazier. Because working is a source of happiness, no-working will brings boredom and tediousness. Last but not least, money is an issue or a cause of many problems among people. All in all, each coin has two sides, modern technology has both benefits and drawbacks. People have to make advantages of technology to improve material wealth as well as control it well and apply to create mental value.
It
is argued
that present applied science has
Use past participle here: "improved".
improve
finance value creation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not bring us the joy in life. There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has great influence on how we control life. This article is to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
and consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology’
affection to human.

On the one hand, new science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a lot in developing standard of living.
Firstly
, developed economics bases on the increase in the number of factories. New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is the origins to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
industry.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and factories
are built
thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. Inside each factory, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
robots or machines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work much.
Also
, machinery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more productive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
without spending too much time and efforts. This effect leads to increased income
as well
as better products the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
receive.
Secondly
, worldwide economics is
really
common through Internet and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
including new ways to communicate and build
Possible spelling mistake found.
relasionship
. This kind of market brings faster richness to a country by not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
larger amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
foreign currency. A
further
benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
is the convenience in transporting with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
vehicles which is one of the main factors of developing speed.

On the other hand
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
create a virtual world which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
amazing and addictive to the young.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to and become more dependent on online communication and entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
especially
adolescent spend too much time in front of the screen and forget the outside-world. It is
absolutely
harmful for society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can not find the joy in relationship.
Next
, industrialization will
be controlled
to do everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that human can be lazier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
working is a source of happiness, no-working will brings boredom and tediousness. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, money is an issue or a cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

All in all, each coin has two sides,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has both benefits and drawbacks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
material wealth
as well
as control it well and apply to create mental value.
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IELTS essay “Modern technology has increased our material wealth, but not our happiness. ”

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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